Hate to start an ongoing general purpose YES thread with this news, but I guess it's being said on some Yes websites that Chris Squire has confirmed that Jon Anderson is no longer with Yes and the band is continuing without him.

It appears from a radio interview that Squire did say that Yes will release a new album in 2010 with the current lineup and tour to support that album. Not good news. Yes, it's good news that there'll be a new "yes" album, but it will be minus Jon Anderson and obviously, Rick Wakeman.

This is old news really-Jon confirmed he was no longer in the band earlier this year and has been healthy and playing on his own. It's a shame, but anyone that has seen the current lineup knows it's a very good one. I've seen them live twice. Drama is possibly my favorite Yes album, so hopefully they can create another strong non-Anderson album. Maybe a Wal Mart exclusive for a new Yes album? Probably not big enough, but who knows? I doubt it though. Interest in new Yes albums WITH Anderson was abysmal since the mid 90's and that won't change here aside from the curiosity factor.
Many fans will find it lame that Yes are moving on, but I can say Benoit David is a stunning vocalist. I completely understand if some fans are furious or disgusted at what has happened. Of course, we can go through the 4,000th debate about replacement singers, but if you don't support it, don't listen!

Benoit David does sound good from the you tube clips I've seen, but he's in essence a Jon stand-in. He sounds remarkably like Anderson, which is why he was recruited for touring purposes obviously.

If Squire, White and Howe want to continue on, they should retire the Yes name. This all came about because they wanted to cash in on the 40th anniversary and decided to do it without Jon, who was sick and needed time to heal. They should have done one final album with Jon and Rick as a group, done a "farewell" tour (with breaks for Jon so he doesn't ruin his voice) and call it a day for Yes.

I liked what someone on one of the Yes boards came up for a new Yes offshoot: BRAWL.

Bruford
Rabin
Anderson
Wakeman (Rick)
Levin.

I'd love to see that configuration make some new music and possibly tour!!

Not that I'd expect much support for this among the serious, long time Yes fans, but I'm sorry that the Horn/Downes era is never even posited as a reunion possibility. Drama is still my favourite Yes album.

I would be up for that, but Trevor Horn has long since retired as a singer and I strongly doubt he'd be up for it. I think he prefers producing and he never returned to performing as far as I know.

That was Yes's new album when I first discovered them and I love Drama too.

I could get behind a reunion of that line up more than I could the current one, but that opens up another debate, though there's always a place for that here in ICE Land!

Love the name, and the lineup!

Bruford is retired and I couldn't pay money for something called BRAWL. But, yes, that's a cool lineup for sure.

Yep, as I said up above, Drama is possibly my favorite album and seeing them play "Machine Messiah" and "Tempus Fugit" on this tour was simply incredible. "Machine Messiah" was phenomenal. Plus, David really nailed those songs vocally, so I have hope a new album with him singing would be good as long as they have the material. Based on the new song they played last year, the laughable "Aliens Are Actually Us" (sung by Squire) they sure don't right now. That song is pure ass! They wisely dropped that song this year.
I'd totally be for Downes joining Yes over Oliver Wakeman who is good, but thus far not overwhelming. Downes is so tasteful and such a good guy, he'd be perfect and since he and Howe are back in Asia, why not?

i agree with Chris' earlier post, the name "Yes" should be retired, ABWH was more Yes then this band is & they didn't use the name "Yes".

I wish they'd done a 20th anniversary tour this year, Geff!! Really! That was my first Yes concert and a great one at that!

They could pull a Cozy Powell and get Bev Bevan to sit in.

No.

http://www.rockradio.co.uk/rock-news/wa ... /sqqfdppp/

Wakeman joins Anderson in slating Yes

Legendary keyboardist Rick Wakeman says he has no respect for the current lineup of the band, and agrees with former frontman Jon Anderson that the band shouldn’t be using the name ‘Yes’ without them.

Rock Radio recently told how Anderson had slated the band for replacing him with tribute singer Benoit David. He said: “I think it’s inappropriate and not respectful to the fans. People have bought tickets thinking I’m on the tour. They should not tour as Yes.”

Now Wakeman has backed up his former bandmate, telling Classic Rock Revisited he thinks of the touring act as nothing more than a tribute.

He says: “Jon is completely justified. I think most fans would agree. But it’s all over with regards to the classic lineup – I just get on with my life and my music.”

Wakeman doesn’t talk about the band with son Oliver, who’s replaced him on keys. “I got him the job, as it happens,” he explains, “But we don’t discuss it at all. I don’t have any respect for the current tribute band that’s out there.

“You can’t have Yes without Jon.”

He also reveals that he and Anderson are “really good friends” and always tended to socialise separately from the rest of the band, of which bassist Chris Squire is the only remaining original member.

And Wakeman takes the time to discuss some of the myths about his larger-than-life career.

He says it’s not true that financial backers lost confidence in his live staging of The Six Wives of Henry VIII at Hampton Court Palace, or that King Arthur on Ice left him bankrupt, or that he bought his first keyboard from a famous actor who thought it was broken. But it is true he had a keg of beer amongst his keyboard setup and he burned three mellotrons in a field in Switzerland.

Check out the full interview for Wakeman’s thoughts on Wikipedia, vegetarians and being a grumpy old rock star.

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Not the best audio or video quality, but it's honest-to-goodness promo video of Yes covering Simon & Garfunkel's "America!"

Could we be seeing this group in the near future...?



Apparently, Rick Wakeman and Trevor Rabin are going to do an album together, according to reports on the internets. And Wakeman has alluded to the fact that other former Yes members may be involved:

http://www.rwcc.com/gorr_1003.asp

There has been much rumour and speculation about what Jon Anderson and myself are up to and other ex YES members have also been mentioned.

What I can say is that Jon and I will be performing some shows later in the year, probably in the last two weeks of October in a short tour entitled The Anderson Wakeman Project.

There will be some new music in the shows as well which Jon and I are currently putting together.

As regards the other rumours that are coming back to me at regular intervals, at this juncture, all I can really say is that “there is no smoke without fire” and if the discussions that Jon and I have had recently come to fruition, which I think are extremely likely, then next year is going to be potentially mind-blowing ……now that should set the tongues wagging for sure!

Of course, believe such a thing only if it actually comes true. But the prospect of a Wakeman/Rabin collboration itself is something many Yes fans have wanted to see and hear. And if ABWR should surface...even better.

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Yes_ ... 9#Yessongs

Yes (band)
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.



Yes frontman Jon Anderson often performs fish-slapping rituals in concert.

“Someone’s spilt curry on my Big Generator!”
~ Chris Squire during the Tales from Topographic Oceans tour
“No talent necessary, no experience needed!”
~ Jon Anderson on recruiting members for Yes
“No were better”
~ Oscar Wilde on Yes
“Five pence for nothing”
~ Bill Bruford on royalties
“Going for the one!”
~ Jon Anderson on album sales

Yes is an immensely significant and universally recognized Progressive rock band that formed in London in 1968 after an unsuccessful career as a word in the English Dictionary. This relatively unknown incarnation of Yes failed because such a word is entirely unnecessary, and was seen by many as over-the-top and self indulgent. Yes music relies heavily on the use of dynamic and harmonic variation, and often incorporates time signatures that are yet to be mathematically proved. The band are also known for their extended song lengths, incomprehensible lyrics and general showing off. Their unique style of blending symphonic/classical structures with their own brand of cacophonous musical tomfoolery has been described by many as over-the-top and self indulgent. Despite daily lineup changes, warfare within the group and the ever-changing trends in popular music, the band has continued on for over forty years and still retains a large following.

Since the release of Corporal Salt and the invention of progressive rock, being popular was seen as unfashionable. A new generation of musicians, under strict orders from Lucy in the Sky, began creating very aurally demanding music, which was for some reason described as progressive. Yes was no exception. In 1968, Jon Anderson (Vocalist, washboard player, whale-poacher and part-time midget) met Chris Squire (tall guy) in an underground London khatru, and the pair soon discovered they shared an interest in psychedelic noodling. A band was then formed, with the addition of Peter Kay; a young pianist with a phobia of the mellotron, Bill Bruford, a man with completely unsynchronised perceptions of rhythm, making jazz drumming the only realistic career choice, and a remarkably unimportant guitarist. The name Yellow Elephant Spunk was initially chosen as it tied in with the band’s light show. It was later abbreviated to Yes because of copyright threats (a brand of custard was on sale at the time with the same name).

The early days in the studio were tough times for Yes. After 8 months spent trying to write music, Jon Anderson realised he didn’t have a pen. As a result of this, a method of recording was developed called “Sound Chasing” where the five members (except for Bill Bruford who didn’t have a sound chasing warrant because he wasn’t a musician) would run around the studio chasing after the reverberations of whoever was recording next door and try to capture the sounds in a bucket. Of course this didn’t work; they were using the wrong kind of bucket. Jimmy Page on the other hand, had a particularly good bucket and was able to build an entire career out of other people’s songs.


Atlantic record executive Nostradamus predicted that the two bands who would be the most successful were Yes and Led Zeppelin, and signed them immediately. As usual he was correct.

Yes
1. Beyond Bruford / 2. I Observe You / 3. The Day After Tomorrow / 4. Sleeping Around / 5. Harold Shipman / 6. Every Little Thing she does is magic / 7. Sweetener / 8. Continued Existance

In 1969 Yes released Yes. The imaginatively titled debut was a huge success for the band, compared to previous albums. Soon afterwards the orchestral Wime and a Turd was released, with similar success. Neither of these albums captured what is now recognised as the classic Yes sound, but fans of the band (many of whom have hearing difficulties) insist that this early period is often overlooked amongst Yes’s later efforts, especially as the running time of both albums put together is shorter than the average Yes song. Peter Kay refused to play anything but his Hammond C3 organ because of his alleged fear of other keyboard instruments, (known formally as Claviphobia), however this is possibly an excuse for the production budgets the band were given at the time, which only allowed for one keyboard. That guitarist was also present during these sessions, although the addition of an orchestra created tensions, as they were stealing all of his parts. Aggravated, the guitarist decided enough was enough, and began throwing tormatoes at the other band members. Anderson eventually made the effort to learn the guitarist’s name so he could fire him formally. Tony Banks promptly was kicked out of left Yes to pursue a career in the Police locating missing royalties people. He was then fired by Sting for having no arms or legs. This wasn’t an issue when he was later approached by Genesis, and became their keyboard player.

[edit] Wime And A Turd
1. No Rhythm Necessary, No Drummer Needed / 2. Subsequently / 3. Feverydays / 4. Wet Dreams / 5. The Profit / 6. Queer Days / 7. Spastic Traveller / 8. Wime And A Turd

[edit] The Classic Yes Period
Upon entering the 70s, Yes were confronted by Atlantic and told to come up with an album that a) didn’t cost the record company thousands of pounds in plagiarism repayments, and b) had some accessible material on it. If they didn’t, Atlantic would hire terrorists to assassinate each member of the band using their respective instrument (In the case of Jon, this meant using trained seagulls to produce shrill high-pitched sounds whilst eating him alive). Having taken this on board, the band hired Steve Howe as their new guitarist, who had just retired from being The Messiah. He couldn't decide if he wanted to play Jazz, Rock or Classical music, and he couldn't choose between lead and rhythm guitar, so he decided to play them all at once. The world famous Howe sacrificed his popularity to join Yes, and together the new line-up began to create some very accessible 10 to 25 minute songs.

Steve Howe’s arrival (on a UFO) led to a new Yes sound, whilst his ability to clap jeopardised Bill Bruford’s position as occasional drum hitter. Furthermore, his tendency on stage to lapse into 5 hour guitar solos gave the other members a welcome break. Jon in particular harnessed this free time by meditating back stage, and achieved enlightenment every night. After an entire tour of this however, he claimed to be so bored with it that he went away and wrote some lyrics warning Buddhists that it “just isn’t what it’s cracked up to be”. These musings would resurface in the song Close To The Edge.

[edit] The Yes Albatross
1. Yours Has Been Defaced / 2. Crap / 3. Storm-trooper / 4. I’ve Fucked All Good Prostitutes: Your turn! / 5. A Denture / 6. Perpetual Line-up Change

The Yes Albatross was regarded as the band’s first step into the world of all things progressive (not only music, but also progressive stage shows, progressive album art, and progressive hair). It is also known for chronicling Yes’s first extended song- Yours Has Been Replaced, which was dedicated to all the past (and future) Yes members who would be bullied out of the band. Peter Kay didn’t twig until halfway through a live performance of the song that he was their next intended victim. Mid-song, he clambered out of his maximum-security keyboard corner, tried and failed to insert Squire’s bass into Squire, screamed “I am the walrus!” and ran out of the fire escape in search of a mellotron-free life. He now resides in Siberia, unaware that the Khatrus are plotting his assassination as we speak.


Easily Broken was the first Yes album to feature the artwork of alien-landscape painter Roger Dean who is an alien. He later invented the Yes logo, and now inadvertently owns all the rights to the word Yes. He is paid 5 khatrus every time the word is used in any context.[edit] Easily Broken
1. Roundabout / 2. Cans Of Beer / 3. We Have High-pitched Vocal Hell / 4. The great gig in the South Side Of The Sky / 5. Five Pounds For Production / 6. Lengthy Distance Jog / 7. The Haddock / 8. Moody For A Day / 9.Set the controls for the Heart Of The Sunrise

In late 1971, Easily Broken (aka the one with that song on it that some people have actually heard of but not very many and even they can’t remember what it’s called) was released, and would contain some of Yes’s most well known works. It featured the song Roundabout, which was the band’s second radio hit (the first resulted in a broken radio). After the departure of Peter Key, Rick Wright Wakeman joined Yes and provided some unnecessarily fast keyboard runs and unnecessarily blonde hair. Unfortunately Wakeman suffers from “I Must Play as Many Different Keyboard Instruments as is Physically Possible during This Song” disorder, the exact opposite of what Peter Kay had. This further defined the Yes sound, which was now more progressive than evolution itself, a fact proved by Steve Howe’s face.

A shortage of prog material led to the decision that each band member should contribute a solo piece to Easily Broken. The prospect of five songs that would theoretically be only 1/5th as progressive as the other pieces on the album was promising for the record company, but it appeared that the band had gone from one extreme to another (Bill Bruford’s 30 second’s Of Nonsense has been known to provoke seizures amongst listeners, even those who actually LIKE progressive music).

[edit] By the Border
1. By the Border [i. A Stable Time Of Modification, ii. Complete Bulk Preservation, iii. I Stand Up, I Sit Down, iv. Phases Of Gentlemen] / 2. And Me And I [i. Twine Of Existence, ii. The Whole Moon Becomes Invisible, iii. The Monk, The Professor, iv. End Of The World] / 3. Russian Dhangri


Total Mass Genocide: Chris Squire is known for using his custom made, triple-barrelled killing machine for destroying any Khatrus he sees.After another tour and a month or five in the studio chasing sounds, Yes unveiled their masterpiece, By the Border. This album famously took a long time to release because of creative differences within the band. Jon Anderson had written some lyrics about Siddhartha’s struggle against enlightenment, but when he asked the other band members to contribute music; none of them were particularly interested. Steve Howe was busy interviewing a goldfish for inspiration, whilst Chris Squire, the only other creative force in the band, had gone on holiday to Siberia (where he inadvertently killed an entire population of khatrus by playing his bass well). Wakeman and Bruford spent most of the sessions eating curries and discussing the meaning of life, which made them both very depressed. This led to the departure of Bill Bruford, who was far too pessimistic to be in a band called Yes. He went on to tour for Genesis. He later joined King Simply Red Crimson Pink Floyd Convention, a progressive progressive rock band that harnessed his negativity in their song-writing. However, Bill became so depressed that even the other members of King Crimson began to hate him, resulting in the highest suicide rates within a single band since the infamous prog-rock pandemic Genesis Flu. Only Robert Fripp would survive this period of crises. Anderson meanwhile, completed all the music to Border by recording the sounds made in the forest where he was born.

[edit] Yessongs
“The space bar broke”
~ Yes on Yessongs
[edit] The Ultra Progressive Era
[edit] Stories From Geographic Seas
1. The Discovering Theory Of The Divine/Dance of the Dusk / 2. The Reminiscing/High The Remembering / 3. The Old/Midgets Under The Moon / 4. Sexual (Nous Sommes Du Sexé)

Whilst working on Yessongs, Jon Anderson read the book Autobiography of a Yoda (as you do), and during one evening of the By the Border tour, he created an hour and twenty minutes of lyrical prog heaven. The four ambitious pieces featured on the double album, each one lasting longer than a papal election, contain some of the most controversial lyrics in the history of everything (second only to ELP’s satanically-themed rendition of Jerusalem). After limited success interrogating the goldfish, Steve decided to add music, completing the mega-project that was already destined to fail. Each 20 minute suite was based on a different form of achieving enlightenment through meditation (The Discovering Theory of the Divinity was particularly revealing). The album was known under the working title “Marmite”.


Jon’s lyrics for Tales are loosely based on the novel “Autobiography of a Yoda”, hence why they don’t make any sense.“Marmite is one of those foods that everybody either loves or hates, but in reality most people hate it. Our album was like that.”
~ Alan Black, Yes’s latest and greatest powerhouse drummer on Stories From Geographic Seas
“I fucking Hated it!”
~ Rick Wakeman on Stories From Geographic Seas
“It does go on a bit.”
~ Chris Squire on Stories From Geographic Seas
“Dawn of light lying between a silence and sold sources, Chased amid fusions of wonder, in moments hardly seen forgotten...”
~ Jon Anderson on Stories From Geographic Seas

During the tour of Geographic Seas Rick Wakeman was discovered eating a chicken tikka masala and downing pints of beer halfway through The Discovering Theory Of The Divine, a strictly fish-orientated song. The other band members, all devout vegetarians, were highly offended by this blasphemous act, especially as it ruined the atmosphere of Howe’s spiritual cod-summoning guitar solo. Wakeman was promptly fired, and they finished the song.

[edit] Transmitter
1. The Back-Door Of Hallucination [inc. Sued] / 2. Sound Chasers / 3. To Be No-ver

Following another successful tour and with Swiss-roll keyboard-slapper Jason Moraz on board, Yes set to work on Transmitter, an album themed around war, sound chasing and war. Communication with Moraz was difficult to say the least; he only speaks Welsh. Yes masterwork The Back-Door Of Hallucination chronicles the ongoing battle that waged between Yes and their arch nemesis No, a hugely successful and talented pop-group from a parallel universe. The song is longer than the entire holocaust and can be distinctly split into three main sections. Part 1 is the prelude, and describes the opposing Yes and No forces gearing up for war. Part 2, the instrumental battle section, is the most hectic piece of music in existence (voted 9.4 on the Hector Scale) other than Manic Monday which is just wild. Here Moraz uses his Mellosynthesizer to replicate the sounds of No members screaming in pain at the foot of their victors. This section is so excruciatingly grotesque and full of gore that 47 individuals have actually died of repulse listening to it, including one man who played it at full volume and simply exploded. Part 3, Sued, was released as a single to promote Yes winning the completely metaphorical war and suing No for plagiarism.

[edit] Return To Normality
[edit] Going For The Bum
1. Going For The Arse / 2. Turd Of The Century / 3. Parallelogram / 4. Blunderous Stories / 5. Arouse

A three year break followed, with the members of the band all releasing solo albums (with the exception of Alan Black, who concentrated on his crime-fighting career). After tempting Rick Wakeman with unlimited drugs and progressive hookers, Yes once again hired him for the much anticipated new album, Going for the Bum. As a result, Jason Moraz (who was still under Yes’s employment) challenged Rick to a duel, but lost miserably. Notable works from GFTB include Awaken, supposedly a musical version of the fairytale Sleeping Beauty. This was recorded in Switzerland, to add insult to the Swiss-born Jason Moraz’s injury. A real church organ was used, and sent down a phone line back to the studio, but Howe said the quality was terrible. This offended the Swiss Government so much that the entire country’s phone lines were uprooted and subsequently improved. The enormous cost of this venture has now been confirmed unnecessary; it turns out Steve was actually talking about the quality of Wakeman’s keyboard playing, not the quality of the phone line.

“This is the same guy that wrote fucking Stories From Geographic Seas! How he can criticize my blindfolded key-spanking technique I do not know.”
~ Rick Wakeman on Steve Howe

Tormasia, the alternate cover, foretold the dangers that were to come.[edit] Portato
1. Future Albums/Reconsider / 2. Don't Kill John Prescott / 3. Mad-Rick / 4. Discharge Discharge / 5. Incoming Flying Saucer / 6. Circus Of Hell / 7. On Wood / 8. On The Ugly Face Of Widdecombe

What followed was a series of unimportant Yes recordings that nobody knows a lot about. Portato sold poorly, as a new wave of bands such as Punk Floyd and Led Synthesizer were beginning to dominate the music scene. Don’t Kill Jabba The Hutt (later renamed Don’t Kill John Prescott due to legal threats) was Yes’s attempt to show people that they cared about the environment, and become more popular with the public (this was the same public who still thought Yes was just a word in the dictionary). Only 3 people have ever listened to Portato. Two of these people were Atlantic record executives who were locked in a room with a whale and forced to listen to it on loop for a year. The only other recorded case was when Ann Widdecombe went grocery shopping and accidently bought a copy. 40 minutes later she had grown unwanted quantities of facial hair and was found lying unconscious on Bournemouth Beach with Brian Blessed sat on her face. Widdecombe now donates regularly to the Progressive Rock Sufferers Fund, a registered charity founded by Free Willy, who was irritated at his attention from Yes.

“On the plus side, it prevented me from buying any real vegetables”
~ Widdecombe on Portato
[edit] Karma
1. Engine Emperor / 2. White Dust / 3. Does It Really Stand For That? [Yes] / 4. Into The Thames / 5. Run Through Those Chords Once More... / 6. Tempus Sans

In 1980 Jon Anderson left Yes to give the others a break, and began recording with Vangelis and his bitch. Rick Wakeman also left, again, deciding to only be a member of the band every Wednesday and Friday afternoon. When the shoes of these two key elements of Yes were filled by Trevor Horny and Geoff Downie (formally of Buggles fame, and before that a comedy duo) all the remaining members could do was accept the seemingly random change. Contrary to popular belief, Trevor and Geoff did not murder Jon and Rick; they survived the attack and after recovery would both return to Yes several times. Like most Yes Buggles albums, Karma sold one copy (which was bought out of pity by Trevor Horny's mother).

[edit] Yes is no more
YES DID NOT EXIST FOR 3 YEARS BECAUSE OF JON ANDERSON’S UNFORTUNATE DEATH

[edit] Rebirth
In early 1982, Chris Squire arranged a secret meeting with a South-African in a cave nowhere near Croydon. They discussed plans for a project known to insiders as “The Final Solution”. It was a Yes conspiracy. After many hours discussing where Yes had gone wrong all these years, they made the bold decision to do what Genesis considered a last resort. They turned to 80s pop.


The music video to Owner Of A Lonely Heart is somewhat disturbing, to say the least...[edit] 90210
1. Owner Of A Lonely Fart / 2. Hold On To Your Cash / 3. Success Can Happen? / 4. More Line-up Changes / 5. Theatre / 6. Weave It! / 7. Our Thong / 8. Shitty Old Gloves / 9. Farts (reprise)

Steve Howe went on holiday to Asia. Tony Kaye returned from Siberia, and the South-African (now confirmed as Trevor Rabbi) conjured up a fake press story about the Buggles raping ABBA and sold it to all the major newspapers. Then he and Yes used the money to bring Jon Anderson back from the dead and told him about their plans for a new album. Knowing what Wakeman and his new beard were capable of, they decided to leave him alone (for now at least).

Produced by ex-Buggle/ex-Yes Trevor Horn (who was now banned from visiting Sweden), Owner Of A Lonely Hearts Club Band was the Yes’s only number 1 single. It is also officially their worst song. Despite this, Owner generated sales exceeding 7000000 billion, and between them Yes were richer than Winnie the Pooh and J K Rowling put together.

“We’re shit! But we’re loaded!”
~ Tony Kaye, who hadn’t experienced money before
[edit] Large Mechanism
1. Rhythm Of Chav / 2. Gigantic Device / 3. Shoot Horn, Aim For The Head / 4. Almost Dyke Love / 5. Horn Will Find A Way / 6. Final Fantasy / 7. Horn's Running / 8. Holy Cow!

Following the success of such simple music, the album that followed was equally mainstream. Large Mechanism was a laborious album to make. It took Yes nearly two years to build the machine itself, which was built to save time writing songs; the enormous device would produce a random series of electronic sounds known formally as 80s music. This noise-generating method was much more efficient than sound chasing, as no effort or talent was required by any member of the group.

Jon Anderson was dissatisfied with the Horny songs on the album and was beginning to yearn for more traditional Yes music. He told the others about an idea for a 20-minute epic about a Khatru who climbed to the summit of Scarfell Pike and had a spiritual awakening, using only the chords of Bb Minor and F# Major Seventh played on a giant didgeridoo with an accompanying banjo that was put through a Leslie Speaker. Trevor Rabbi said he can shove that idea “right up his arse”. Anderson’s inability to recognise figures of speech resulted in a hospitalised khatru and a mentally scarred banjo. This in turn led to his departure from the group, and the formation of Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe, a progressive barbershop quartet.

[edit] Onion
1. I Wouldn't Have Waited For Trevor / 2. Shock To My Sister / 3. Massacre / 4. Put Me Down! / 5. Without Dope You Cannot Start The Day / 6. Saving My Dart / 7. Sensation Of Being Alive / 8. Silent Porking / 9. The More We Play, The More We Dissapoint / 10. Angkor Wat-the-fuck?! / 11. Dangerous [Look Behind The Sofa For What You're Searching For] / 12. Holding On To Our Fans / 13. Pointlessly Short / 14. Take The Water To The Robert Plant


By 1991, both Yes and Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe were becoming less and less rich, and eventually the two separate parties gave in and amalgamated in the great big orgasmic jam session that was Onion. Continuing the root vegetable theme that began with Portato, Onion is the first and only album to feature the super-deluxe-mega-Yes line up. ABWH decided to team up with “SRWK?” and resurrect Yes; this was the band’s 175th reunion. The advantages of having an 8 member band include more disputes, more songs, and tonnes more fat juicy ego. However, the full 8 members were only together during the mammoth tour that followed; the songs on the album were actually recorded in two separate locations, and then drenched in the capable hands of some 200 underpaid session musicians. Trevor Rabbi was responsible for the 90s pop/rock sound that was applied on the album with the logic that it might put Bon Jovi out of business. Trevor is now bankrupt and John Bon Jovi, although an inherent twat, continues to please middle-aged women with his gigantic penis.

[edit] Yestalk
1. Appaling / 2. I Am Mating / 3. Meal Love / 4. State Of Ray / 5. Another Brick In The Walls / 6. Where For Art Thou? / 7. Endless Cream I: Bed Springs / 8. Endless Cream II: Sex / 9. Endless Cream III: Endless Nightmare

But in the 90s Trevor was still taking leadership of Yes, and simple song writing was just what he required to make Steve Howe cry. Themed around Jon Anderson’s often incomprehensible language and general manner of speaking, Yestalk was as fun to listen to as the Queen’s speech. The cover artwork was also as pleasurable to look at as the Queen herself. This colourful effort (which was sent in by Peter, aged 5) was far better than anything Roger Dean ever came up with, subtly reflecting the collective rationality of Yes at the time.

Yestalk was a huge success. Tony’s versatile approach to keyboards provided a whole range of sounds for the band, whilst Rabin’s authorisation to let the other Yes members write songs helped give the album a sense of variety and charm that previous albums lacked. (Words in Bold interchangable)

The name Yestalk was later adopted for an online forum where fans of the band gather to worship Rick Wakeman’s hair. They also are known for their frequent pilgrimages to Yes concerts, where they attempt to touch the members of the band.

“I hate my member being touched. It feels weird”
~ Chris Squire on being asexual
[edit] The 90s Continued
[edit] Open Your Fucking Eyes: We're Not Making Any Money!
1. Few Stable Minds / 2. Ouvrez Vos Yeux, Asshole / 3. Universal Studios / 4. No Gay We Can Lose / 5. Fortune Spender / 6. Man On My Spoon / 7. Wonder Woman / 8. From The Falconry / 9. Shoe Shine / 10. Reptilian Marmaduke / 11.The Solution Isn't Here (beware of extended "nature" solos)

Billy, a 12 year old boy from Sherwood Forest, joined Yes in 1997 to contribute a more “down with the kids" sound (Spice Girls take note). The new album was as youthful as it was catchy. The presence of a 23 minute epic, inordinate swearing content, and a paedophile keyboardist just proves how child-friendly Open Your Fucking Eyes was. And as the title suggests, the band made a huge loss from its release. By this point the 9012Vault was empty of cash, and Yes was becoming less of an asset and more of a hindrance. New recruit Igorkhoroshevvylevvykhatru helped out by financing his own keyboards (hence the use of the Stylophone) and Alan Black agreed to fire himself for a couple of months to save more money; the cost of the album was ultimately totalled at around £1.20. And of course, the artwork is similar to that of the band’s debut, dull.


For reasons unexplained, Steve Howe was chosen as the model for the artwork on The Stair Lift[edit] The Stair Lift
1. Homeworld: The Bladder / 2. It Will Be A Hooded Gay / 3. Frightening Dykes / 4. Can I Re-release We Have Heaven? / 5. Face To Face With Westlife / 6. If Only You Grew / 7. To Be Alive (Help Yoda) / 8. Finale / 9. The Postman / 10. Новый язык / 11. Nine Over-dubbed Voices [Long-Talker]

Yes were getting pretty old by the time The Stair Lift was released. Howe, Anderson, Squire and Black all required medics to tour with them as heart failure was frequent. Steve Howe died many times and was often resurrected using cheap equipment, contributing to his “mad scientist” look. It was down to Igor (now an official member) and Billy the kid to guide Yes to success. However, after The Stair Lift’s chart position was revealed, the two of them were promptly fired.

Bruce Willis produced the album, but sadly died shortly before its release. It turns out he was brutally murdered by former Yes producers Trevor Horny and "Are You Ready Eddie" Offord. The pair repeatedly attacked him with early Yes records, including one particularly gruesome copy of 90210 that was used to decapitate him. They later formed a comedy duo act known as That Horny and Offord Sound, which featured impeccably produced jokes that weren’t very funny.




[edit] Magnification (One Last Try)
1. Enlargment / 2. Once Again This Amazement At Being Alive / 3. Don't Die / 4. Give Love To Each Gay / 5. Can You Imagine Being Famous? / 6. We Disagree / 7. Ugly As A Pigeon / 8. Bedtime / 9. In The Essence Of [i. Deeper Than Every Deodorant , ii. Death Of Lynx, iii. True Sprayer, iv. Turn Around And Re-apply] / 10. Time Is Most Definately NOT On Our Side!

In 2001, the famous four congregated once more, after Rick Wakeman’s decision to only be in the band every leap year. Despite Steve being older than all of the golden girls put together, Chris being frequently mistaken for Santa Claus, Alan having his own business-related reality TV show, and Jon trying to re-boost his career by appearing on QI (oh wait, that was his brother) the four of them still made the decision to release yet another Yes album. They replaced the indecisive Yes keyboardist with an orchestra, something that hadn’t been done since 1970’s Wime And A Turd, which sold well. The two albums actually feature the same orchestra, continuing the theme of “Nobody who works on this album must be younger than 90 years old”.

--More tours have since followed with various different members of Yes in various combinations that really aren’t that interesting.


Clones of Jon Anderson such as this one, have been spotted touring with Yes recently.[edit] In The Present
As we speak, Yes are touring Europe, and because of respiratory issues, have replaced Jon Anderson with Belgian porn star Benoît David. David is a prototype clone of Jon, but clearly lacks accuracy in the weight department. His signing voice was sampled from Jon himself and wired into his voicebox, in a world record attempt for the first ever successful human-to-clone voicebox operation. It is rumoured that Chris Squire has fallen in love with him, leading to his permanent membership in the band. Anderson is less than pleased about this. In October he posted on his website a stream of insults directed at the current line-up, and for the first time ever, what he said made perfect sense.

Rick Wakeman has also decided to tour, under the deceptive title Oliver Wakeman. Many foolish people believe that this is Rick’s son because of his apparent age, but Wakeman insists that it is him, and he has been treated with age-reducing bio-mechanical implant surgery. This makes Alan Black the only band member who is still fully human (Steve Howe has none of his orginal face remaining, Chris Squire has a gold left leg, and Benoît David is of course, a robot).

[edit] Yes Trivia!
Chris Squire is the only member of Yes who has stayed part of the band throughout all its line-ups, incarnations, re-incarnations, and time-space continuums. However, for the purpose of the next joke, this is not true.
Alan Black is the only member of Yes who is yet to be fired.
If the song Awaken is played backwards the words “fall asleep” can be heard 964 times.
Rick Wakeman invented the orchestra hit.
Trevor Horn actually plays the horn.
Trevor Rabin actually plays the rabin
Asia attempted to sue Asia for using their name. After much negotiation, it was decided that the continent was free to use the name as long as they adopted Heat Of The Moment as their national anthem.
Igor Khoroshev is a paedophile, but you knew that anyway.
Wikipedia states in its trivia section that Alan wrote most of the song In The Presence Of, proving that a drummer writing a song is considered trivial.
Steve Howe’s solo piece “Clap” is actually a direct instruction to the audience, which when disobeyed, results in him being in a mood for the rest of the day.
Jon Anderson can transform into Pamela, Benny or Clive on demand.
No don’t exist.
Maybe might exist.
Yes do exist (you think I made all this up?!)
[edit] See Also
Jon Anderson
Steve Howe
Progressive rock
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http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Yes_ ... 9#Yessongs

Yes (band)
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Yes frontman Jon Anderson often performs fish-slapping rituals in concert.

“Someone’s spilt curry on my Big Generator!”
~ Chris Squire during the Tales from Topographic Oceans tour
“No talent necessary, no experience needed!”
~ Jon Anderson on recruiting members for Yes
“No were better”
~ Oscar Wilde on Yes
“Five pence for nothing”
~ Bill Bruford on royalties
“Going for the one!”
~ Jon Anderson on album sales

Yes is an immensely significant and universally recognized Progressive rock band that formed in London in 1968 after an unsuccessful career as a word in the English Dictionary. This relatively unknown incarnation of Yes failed because such a word is entirely unnecessary, and was seen by many as over-the-top and self indulgent. Yes music relies heavily on the use of dynamic and harmonic variation, and often incorporates time signatures that are yet to be mathematically proved. The band are also known for their extended song lengths, incomprehensible lyrics and general showing off. Their unique style of blending symphonic/classical structures with their own brand of cacophonous musical tomfoolery has been described by many as over-the-top and self indulgent. Despite daily lineup changes, warfare within the group and the ever-changing trends in popular music, the band has continued on for over forty years and still retains a large following.

Since the release of Corporal Salt and the invention of progressive rock, being popular was seen as unfashionable. A new generation of musicians, under strict orders from Lucy in the Sky, began creating very aurally demanding music, which was for some reason described as progressive. Yes was no exception. In 1968, Jon Anderson (Vocalist, washboard player, whale-poacher and part-time midget) met Chris Squire (tall guy) in an underground London khatru, and the pair soon discovered they shared an interest in psychedelic noodling. A band was then formed, with the addition of Peter Kay; a young pianist with a phobia of the mellotron, Bill Bruford, a man with completely unsynchronised perceptions of rhythm, making jazz drumming the only realistic career choice, and a remarkably unimportant guitarist. The name Yellow Elephant Spunk was initially chosen as it tied in with the band’s light show. It was later abbreviated to Yes because of copyright threats (a brand of custard was on sale at the time with the same name).

The early days in the studio were tough times for Yes. After 8 months spent trying to write music, Jon Anderson realised he didn’t have a pen. As a result of this, a method of recording was developed called “Sound Chasing” where the five members (except for Bill Bruford who didn’t have a sound chasing warrant because he wasn’t a musician) would run around the studio chasing after the reverberations of whoever was recording next door and try to capture the sounds in a bucket. Of course this didn’t work; they were using the wrong kind of bucket. Jimmy Page on the other hand, had a particularly good bucket and was able to build an entire career out of other people’s songs.


Atlantic record executive Nostradamus predicted that the two bands who would be the most successful were Yes and Led Zeppelin, and signed them immediately. As usual he was correct.

Yes
1. Beyond Bruford / 2. I Observe You / 3. The Day After Tomorrow / 4. Sleeping Around / 5. Harold Shipman / 6. Every Little Thing she does is magic / 7. Sweetener / 8. Continued Existance

In 1969 Yes released Yes. The imaginatively titled debut was a huge success for the band, compared to previous albums. Soon afterwards the orchestral Wime and a Turd was released, with similar success. Neither of these albums captured what is now recognised as the classic Yes sound, but fans of the band (many of whom have hearing difficulties) insist that this early period is often overlooked amongst Yes’s later efforts, especially as the running time of both albums put together is shorter than the average Yes song. Peter Kay refused to play anything but his Hammond C3 organ because of his alleged fear of other keyboard instruments, (known formally as Claviphobia), however this is possibly an excuse for the production budgets the band were given at the time, which only allowed for one keyboard. That guitarist was also present during these sessions, although the addition of an orchestra created tensions, as they were stealing all of his parts. Aggravated, the guitarist decided enough was enough, and began throwing tormatoes at the other band members. Anderson eventually made the effort to learn the guitarist’s name so he could fire him formally. Tony Banks promptly was kicked out of left Yes to pursue a career in the Police locating missing royalties people. He was then fired by Sting for having no arms or legs. This wasn’t an issue when he was later approached by Genesis, and became their keyboard player.

[edit] Wime And A Turd
1. No Rhythm Necessary, No Drummer Needed / 2. Subsequently / 3. Feverydays / 4. Wet Dreams / 5. The Profit / 6. Queer Days / 7. Spastic Traveller / 8. Wime And A Turd

[edit] The Classic Yes Period
Upon entering the 70s, Yes were confronted by Atlantic and told to come up with an album that a) didn’t cost the record company thousands of pounds in plagiarism repayments, and b) had some accessible material on it. If they didn’t, Atlantic would hire terrorists to assassinate each member of the band using their respective instrument (In the case of Jon, this meant using trained seagulls to produce shrill high-pitched sounds whilst eating him alive). Having taken this on board, the band hired Steve Howe as their new guitarist, who had just retired from being The Messiah. He couldn't decide if he wanted to play Jazz, Rock or Classical music, and he couldn't choose between lead and rhythm guitar, so he decided to play them all at once. The world famous Howe sacrificed his popularity to join Yes, and together the new line-up began to create some very accessible 10 to 25 minute songs.

Steve Howe’s arrival (on a UFO) led to a new Yes sound, whilst his ability to clap jeopardised Bill Bruford’s position as occasional drum hitter. Furthermore, his tendency on stage to lapse into 5 hour guitar solos gave the other members a welcome break. Jon in particular harnessed this free time by meditating back stage, and achieved enlightenment every night. After an entire tour of this however, he claimed to be so bored with it that he went away and wrote some lyrics warning Buddhists that it “just isn’t what it’s cracked up to be”. These musings would resurface in the song Close To The Edge.

[edit] The Yes Albatross
1. Yours Has Been Defaced / 2. Crap / 3. Storm-trooper / 4. I’ve Fucked All Good Prostitutes: Your turn! / 5. A Denture / 6. Perpetual Line-up Change

The Yes Albatross was regarded as the band’s first step into the world of all things progressive (not only music, but also progressive stage shows, progressive album art, and progressive hair). It is also known for chronicling Yes’s first extended song- Yours Has Been Replaced, which was dedicated to all the past (and future) Yes members who would be bullied out of the band. Peter Kay didn’t twig until halfway through a live performance of the song that he was their next intended victim. Mid-song, he clambered out of his maximum-security keyboard corner, tried and failed to insert Squire’s bass into Squire, screamed “I am the walrus!” and ran out of the fire escape in search of a mellotron-free life. He now resides in Siberia, unaware that the Khatrus are plotting his assassination as we speak.


Easily Broken was the first Yes album to feature the artwork of alien-landscape painter Roger Dean who is an alien. He later invented the Yes logo, and now inadvertently owns all the rights to the word Yes. He is paid 5 khatrus every time the word is used in any context.[edit] Easily Broken
1. Roundabout / 2. Cans Of Beer / 3. We Have High-pitched Vocal Hell / 4. The great gig in the South Side Of The Sky / 5. Five Pounds For Production / 6. Lengthy Distance Jog / 7. The Haddock / 8. Moody For A Day / 9.Set the controls for the Heart Of The Sunrise

In late 1971, Easily Broken (aka the one with that song on it that some people have actually heard of but not very many and even they can’t remember what it’s called) was released, and would contain some of Yes’s most well known works. It featured the song Roundabout, which was the band’s second radio hit (the first resulted in a broken radio). After the departure of Peter Key, Rick Wright Wakeman joined Yes and provided some unnecessarily fast keyboard runs and unnecessarily blonde hair. Unfortunately Wakeman suffers from “I Must Play as Many Different Keyboard Instruments as is Physically Possible during This Song” disorder, the exact opposite of what Peter Kay had. This further defined the Yes sound, which was now more progressive than evolution itself, a fact proved by Steve Howe’s face.

A shortage of prog material led to the decision that each band member should contribute a solo piece to Easily Broken. The prospect of five songs that would theoretically be only 1/5th as progressive as the other pieces on the album was promising for the record company, but it appeared that the band had gone from one extreme to another (Bill Bruford’s 30 second’s Of Nonsense has been known to provoke seizures amongst listeners, even those who actually LIKE progressive music).

[edit] By the Border
1. By the Border [i. A Stable Time Of Modification, ii. Complete Bulk Preservation, iii. I Stand Up, I Sit Down, iv. Phases Of Gentlemen] / 2. And Me And I [i. Twine Of Existence, ii. The Whole Moon Becomes Invisible, iii. The Monk, The Professor, iv. End Of The World] / 3. Russian Dhangri


Total Mass Genocide: Chris Squire is known for using his custom made, triple-barrelled killing machine for destroying any Khatrus he sees.After another tour and a month or five in the studio chasing sounds, Yes unveiled their masterpiece, By the Border. This album famously took a long time to release because of creative differences within the band. Jon Anderson had written some lyrics about Siddhartha’s struggle against enlightenment, but when he asked the other band members to contribute music; none of them were particularly interested. Steve Howe was busy interviewing a goldfish for inspiration, whilst Chris Squire, the only other creative force in the band, had gone on holiday to Siberia (where he inadvertently killed an entire population of khatrus by playing his bass well). Wakeman and Bruford spent most of the sessions eating curries and discussing the meaning of life, which made them both very depressed. This led to the departure of Bill Bruford, who was far too pessimistic to be in a band called Yes. He went on to tour for Genesis. He later joined King Simply Red Crimson Pink Floyd Convention, a progressive progressive rock band that harnessed his negativity in their song-writing. However, Bill became so depressed that even the other members of King Crimson began to hate him, resulting in the highest suicide rates within a single band since the infamous prog-rock pandemic Genesis Flu. Only Robert Fripp would survive this period of crises. Anderson meanwhile, completed all the music to Border by recording the sounds made in the forest where he was born.

[edit] Yessongs
“The space bar broke”
~ Yes on Yessongs
[edit] The Ultra Progressive Era
[edit] Stories From Geographic Seas
1. The Discovering Theory Of The Divine/Dance of the Dusk / 2. The Reminiscing/High The Remembering / 3. The Old/Midgets Under The Moon / 4. Sexual (Nous Sommes Du Sexé)

Whilst working on Yessongs, Jon Anderson read the book Autobiography of a Yoda (as you do), and during one evening of the By the Border tour, he created an hour and twenty minutes of lyrical prog heaven. The four ambitious pieces featured on the double album, each one lasting longer than a papal election, contain some of the most controversial lyrics in the history of everything (second only to ELP’s satanically-themed rendition of Jerusalem). After limited success interrogating the goldfish, Steve decided to add music, completing the mega-project that was already destined to fail. Each 20 minute suite was based on a different form of achieving enlightenment through meditation (The Discovering Theory of the Divinity was particularly revealing). The album was known under the working title “Marmite”.


Jon’s lyrics for Tales are loosely based on the novel “Autobiography of a Yoda”, hence why they don’t make any sense.“Marmite is one of those foods that everybody either loves or hates, but in reality most people hate it. Our album was like that.”
~ Alan Black, Yes’s latest and greatest powerhouse drummer on Stories From Geographic Seas
“I fucking Hated it!”
~ Rick Wakeman on Stories From Geographic Seas
“It does go on a bit.”
~ Chris Squire on Stories From Geographic Seas
“Dawn of light lying between a silence and sold sources, Chased amid fusions of wonder, in moments hardly seen forgotten...”
~ Jon Anderson on Stories From Geographic Seas

During the tour of Geographic Seas Rick Wakeman was discovered eating a chicken tikka masala and downing pints of beer halfway through The Discovering Theory Of The Divine, a strictly fish-orientated song. The other band members, all devout vegetarians, were highly offended by this blasphemous act, especially as it ruined the atmosphere of Howe’s spiritual cod-summoning guitar solo. Wakeman was promptly fired, and they finished the song.

[edit] Transmitter
1. The Back-Door Of Hallucination [inc. Sued] / 2. Sound Chasers / 3. To Be No-ver

Following another successful tour and with Swiss-roll keyboard-slapper Jason Moraz on board, Yes set to work on Transmitter, an album themed around war, sound chasing and war. Communication with Moraz was difficult to say the least; he only speaks Welsh. Yes masterwork The Back-Door Of Hallucination chronicles the ongoing battle that waged between Yes and their arch nemesis No, a hugely successful and talented pop-group from a parallel universe. The song is longer than the entire holocaust and can be distinctly split into three main sections. Part 1 is the prelude, and describes the opposing Yes and No forces gearing up for war. Part 2, the instrumental battle section, is the most hectic piece of music in existence (voted 9.4 on the Hector Scale) other than Manic Monday which is just wild. Here Moraz uses his Mellosynthesizer to replicate the sounds of No members screaming in pain at the foot of their victors. This section is so excruciatingly grotesque and full of gore that 47 individuals have actually died of repulse listening to it, including one man who played it at full volume and simply exploded. Part 3, Sued, was released as a single to promote Yes winning the completely metaphorical war and suing No for plagiarism.

[edit] Return To Normality
[edit] Going For The Bum
1. Going For The Arse / 2. Turd Of The Century / 3. Parallelogram / 4. Blunderous Stories / 5. Arouse

A three year break followed, with the members of the band all releasing solo albums (with the exception of Alan Black, who concentrated on his crime-fighting career). After tempting Rick Wakeman with unlimited drugs and progressive hookers, Yes once again hired him for the much anticipated new album, Going for the Bum. As a result, Jason Moraz (who was still under Yes’s employment) challenged Rick to a duel, but lost miserably. Notable works from GFTB include Awaken, supposedly a musical version of the fairytale Sleeping Beauty. This was recorded in Switzerland, to add insult to the Swiss-born Jason Moraz’s injury. A real church organ was used, and sent down a phone line back to the studio, but Howe said the quality was terrible. This offended the Swiss Government so much that the entire country’s phone lines were uprooted and subsequently improved. The enormous cost of this venture has now been confirmed unnecessary; it turns out Steve was actually talking about the quality of Wakeman’s keyboard playing, not the quality of the phone line.

“This is the same guy that wrote fucking Stories From Geographic Seas! How he can criticize my blindfolded key-spanking technique I do not know.”
~ Rick Wakeman on Steve Howe

Tormasia, the alternate cover, foretold the dangers that were to come.[edit] Portato
1. Future Albums/Reconsider / 2. Don't Kill John Prescott / 3. Mad-Rick / 4. Discharge Discharge / 5. Incoming Flying Saucer / 6. Circus Of Hell / 7. On Wood / 8. On The Ugly Face Of Widdecombe

What followed was a series of unimportant Yes recordings that nobody knows a lot about. Portato sold poorly, as a new wave of bands such as Punk Floyd and Led Synthesizer were beginning to dominate the music scene. Don’t Kill Jabba The Hutt (later renamed Don’t Kill John Prescott due to legal threats) was Yes’s attempt to show people that they cared about the environment, and become more popular with the public (this was the same public who still thought Yes was just a word in the dictionary). Only 3 people have ever listened to Portato. Two of these people were Atlantic record executives who were locked in a room with a whale and forced to listen to it on loop for a year. The only other recorded case was when Ann Widdecombe went grocery shopping and accidently bought a copy. 40 minutes later she had grown unwanted quantities of facial hair and was found lying unconscious on Bournemouth Beach with Brian Blessed sat on her face. Widdecombe now donates regularly to the Progressive Rock Sufferers Fund, a registered charity founded by Free Willy, who was irritated at his attention from Yes.

“On the plus side, it prevented me from buying any real vegetables”
~ Widdecombe on Portato
[edit] Karma
1. Engine Emperor / 2. White Dust / 3. Does It Really Stand For That? [Yes] / 4. Into The Thames / 5. Run Through Those Chords Once More... / 6. Tempus Sans

In 1980 Jon Anderson left Yes to give the others a break, and began recording with Vangelis and his bitch. Rick Wakeman also left, again, deciding to only be a member of the band every Wednesday and Friday afternoon. When the shoes of these two key elements of Yes were filled by Trevor Horny and Geoff Downie (formally of Buggles fame, and before that a comedy duo) all the remaining members could do was accept the seemingly random change. Contrary to popular belief, Trevor and Geoff did not murder Jon and Rick; they survived the attack and after recovery would both return to Yes several times. Like most Yes Buggles albums, Karma sold one copy (which was bought out of pity by Trevor Horny's mother).

[edit] Yes is no more
YES DID NOT EXIST FOR 3 YEARS BECAUSE OF JON ANDERSON’S UNFORTUNATE DEATH

[edit] Rebirth
In early 1982, Chris Squire arranged a secret meeting with a South-African in a cave nowhere near Croydon. They discussed plans for a project known to insiders as “The Final Solution”. It was a Yes conspiracy. After many hours discussing where Yes had gone wrong all these years, they made the bold decision to do what Genesis considered a last resort. They turned to 80s pop.


The music video to Owner Of A Lonely Heart is somewhat disturbing, to say the least...[edit] 90210
1. Owner Of A Lonely Fart / 2. Hold On To Your Cash / 3. Success Can Happen? / 4. More Line-up Changes / 5. Theatre / 6. Weave It! / 7. Our Thong / 8. Shitty Old Gloves / 9. Farts (reprise)

Steve Howe went on holiday to Asia. Tony Kaye returned from Siberia, and the South-African (now confirmed as Trevor Rabbi) conjured up a fake press story about the Buggles raping ABBA and sold it to all the major newspapers. Then he and Yes used the money to bring Jon Anderson back from the dead and told him about their plans for a new album. Knowing what Wakeman and his new beard were capable of, they decided to leave him alone (for now at least).

Produced by ex-Buggle/ex-Yes Trevor Horn (who was now banned from visiting Sweden), Owner Of A Lonely Hearts Club Band was the Yes’s only number 1 single. It is also officially their worst song. Despite this, Owner generated sales exceeding 7000000 billion, and between them Yes were richer than Winnie the Pooh and J K Rowling put together.

“We’re shit! But we’re loaded!”
~ Tony Kaye, who hadn’t experienced money before
[edit] Large Mechanism
1. Rhythm Of Chav / 2. Gigantic Device / 3. Shoot Horn, Aim For The Head / 4. Almost Dyke Love / 5. Horn Will Find A Way / 6. Final Fantasy / 7. Horn's Running / 8. Holy Cow!

Following the success of such simple music, the album that followed was equally mainstream. Large Mechanism was a laborious album to make. It took Yes nearly two years to build the machine itself, which was built to save time writing songs; the enormous device would produce a random series of electronic sounds known formally as 80s music. This noise-generating method was much more efficient than sound chasing, as no effort or talent was required by any member of the group.

Jon Anderson was dissatisfied with the Horny songs on the album and was beginning to yearn for more traditional Yes music. He told the others about an idea for a 20-minute epic about a Khatru who climbed to the summit of Scarfell Pike and had a spiritual awakening, using only the chords of Bb Minor and F# Major Seventh played on a giant didgeridoo with an accompanying banjo that was put through a Leslie Speaker. Trevor Rabbi said he can shove that idea “right up his arse”. Anderson’s inability to recognise figures of speech resulted in a hospitalised khatru and a mentally scarred banjo. This in turn led to his departure from the group, and the formation of Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe, a progressive barbershop quartet.

[edit] Onion
1. I Wouldn't Have Waited For Trevor / 2. Shock To My Sister / 3. Massacre / 4. Put Me Down! / 5. Without Dope You Cannot Start The Day / 6. Saving My Dart / 7. Sensation Of Being Alive / 8. Silent Porking / 9. The More We Play, The More We Dissapoint / 10. Angkor Wat-the-fuck?! / 11. Dangerous [Look Behind The Sofa For What You're Searching For] / 12. Holding On To Our Fans / 13. Pointlessly Short / 14. Take The Water To The Robert Plant


By 1991, both Yes and Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe were becoming less and less rich, and eventually the two separate parties gave in and amalgamated in the great big orgasmic jam session that was Onion. Continuing the root vegetable theme that began with Portato, Onion is the first and only album to feature the super-deluxe-mega-Yes line up. ABWH decided to team up with “SRWK?” and resurrect Yes; this was the band’s 175th reunion. The advantages of having an 8 member band include more disputes, more songs, and tonnes more fat juicy ego. However, the full 8 members were only together during the mammoth tour that followed; the songs on the album were actually recorded in two separate locations, and then drenched in the capable hands of some 200 underpaid session musicians. Trevor Rabbi was responsible for the 90s pop/rock sound that was applied on the album with the logic that it might put Bon Jovi out of business. Trevor is now bankrupt and John Bon Jovi, although an inherent twat, continues to please middle-aged women with his gigantic penis.

[edit] Yestalk
1. Appaling / 2. I Am Mating / 3. Meal Love / 4. State Of Ray / 5. Another Brick In The Walls / 6. Where For Art Thou? / 7. Endless Cream I: Bed Springs / 8. Endless Cream II: Sex / 9. Endless Cream III: Endless Nightmare

But in the 90s Trevor was still taking leadership of Yes, and simple song writing was just what he required to make Steve Howe cry. Themed around Jon Anderson’s often incomprehensible language and general manner of speaking, Yestalk was as fun to listen to as the Queen’s speech. The cover artwork was also as pleasurable to look at as the Queen herself. This colourful effort (which was sent in by Peter, aged 5) was far better than anything Roger Dean ever came up with, subtly reflecting the collective rationality of Yes at the time.

Yestalk was a huge success. Tony’s versatile approach to keyboards provided a whole range of sounds for the band, whilst Rabin’s authorisation to let the other Yes members write songs helped give the album a sense of variety and charm that previous albums lacked. (Words in Bold interchangable)

The name Yestalk was later adopted for an online forum where fans of the band gather to worship Rick Wakeman’s hair. They also are known for their frequent pilgrimages to Yes concerts, where they attempt to touch the members of the band.

“I hate my member being touched. It feels weird”
~ Chris Squire on being asexual
[edit] The 90s Continued
[edit] Open Your Fucking Eyes: We're Not Making Any Money!
1. Few Stable Minds / 2. Ouvrez Vos Yeux, Asshole / 3. Universal Studios / 4. No Gay We Can Lose / 5. Fortune Spender / 6. Man On My Spoon / 7. Wonder Woman / 8. From The Falconry / 9. Shoe Shine / 10. Reptilian Marmaduke / 11.The Solution Isn't Here (beware of extended "nature" solos)

Billy, a 12 year old boy from Sherwood Forest, joined Yes in 1997 to contribute a more “down with the kids" sound (Spice Girls take note). The new album was as youthful as it was catchy. The presence of a 23 minute epic, inordinate swearing content, and a paedophile keyboardist just proves how child-friendly Open Your Fucking Eyes was. And as the title suggests, the band made a huge loss from its release. By this point the 9012Vault was empty of cash, and Yes was becoming less of an asset and more of a hindrance. New recruit Igorkhoroshevvylevvykhatru helped out by financing his own keyboards (hence the use of the Stylophone) and Alan Black agreed to fire himself for a couple of months to save more money; the cost of the album was ultimately totalled at around £1.20. And of course, the artwork is similar to that of the band’s debut, dull.


For reasons unexplained, Steve Howe was chosen as the model for the artwork on The Stair Lift[edit] The Stair Lift
1. Homeworld: The Bladder / 2. It Will Be A Hooded Gay / 3. Frightening Dykes / 4. Can I Re-release We Have Heaven? / 5. Face To Face With Westlife / 6. If Only You Grew / 7. To Be Alive (Help Yoda) / 8. Finale / 9. The Postman / 10. Новый язык / 11. Nine Over-dubbed Voices [Long-Talker]

Yes were getting pretty old by the time The Stair Lift was released. Howe, Anderson, Squire and Black all required medics to tour with them as heart failure was frequent. Steve Howe died many times and was often resurrected using cheap equipment, contributing to his “mad scientist” look. It was down to Igor (now an official member) and Billy the kid to guide Yes to success. However, after The Stair Lift’s chart position was revealed, the two of them were promptly fired.

Bruce Willis produced the album, but sadly died shortly before its release. It turns out he was brutally murdered by former Yes producers Trevor Horny and "Are You Ready Eddie" Offord. The pair repeatedly attacked him with early Yes records, including one particularly gruesome copy of 90210 that was used to decapitate him. They later formed a comedy duo act known as That Horny and Offord Sound, which featured impeccably produced jokes that weren’t very funny.




[edit] Magnification (One Last Try)
1. Enlargment / 2. Once Again This Amazement At Being Alive / 3. Don't Die / 4. Give Love To Each Gay / 5. Can You Imagine Being Famous? / 6. We Disagree / 7. Ugly As A Pigeon / 8. Bedtime / 9. In The Essence Of [i. Deeper Than Every Deodorant , ii. Death Of Lynx, iii. True Sprayer, iv. Turn Around And Re-apply] / 10. Time Is Most Definately NOT On Our Side!

In 2001, the famous four congregated once more, after Rick Wakeman’s decision to only be in the band every leap year. Despite Steve being older than all of the golden girls put together, Chris being frequently mistaken for Santa Claus, Alan having his own business-related reality TV show, and Jon trying to re-boost his career by appearing on QI (oh wait, that was his brother) the four of them still made the decision to release yet another Yes album. They replaced the indecisive Yes keyboardist with an orchestra, something that hadn’t been done since 1970’s Wime And A Turd, which sold well. The two albums actually feature the same orchestra, continuing the theme of “Nobody who works on this album must be younger than 90 years old”.

--More tours have since followed with various different members of Yes in various combinations that really aren’t that interesting.


Clones of Jon Anderson such as this one, have been spotted touring with Yes recently.[edit] In The Present
As we speak, Yes are touring Europe, and because of respiratory issues, have replaced Jon Anderson with Belgian porn star Benoît David. David is a prototype clone of Jon, but clearly lacks accuracy in the weight department. His signing voice was sampled from Jon himself and wired into his voicebox, in a world record attempt for the first ever successful human-to-clone voicebox operation. It is rumoured that Chris Squire has fallen in love with him, leading to his permanent membership in the band. Anderson is less than pleased about this. In October he posted on his website a stream of insults directed at the current line-up, and for the first time ever, what he said made perfect sense.

Rick Wakeman has also decided to tour, under the deceptive title Oliver Wakeman. Many foolish people believe that this is Rick’s son because of his apparent age, but Wakeman insists that it is him, and he has been treated with age-reducing bio-mechanical implant surgery. This makes Alan Black the only band member who is still fully human (Steve Howe has none of his orginal face remaining, Chris Squire has a gold left leg, and Benoît David is of course, a robot).

[edit] Yes Trivia!
Chris Squire is the only member of Yes who has stayed part of the band throughout all its line-ups, incarnations, re-incarnations, and time-space continuums. However, for the purpose of the next joke, this is not true.
Alan Black is the only member of Yes who is yet to be fired.
If the song Awaken is played backwards the words “fall asleep” can be heard 964 times.
Rick Wakeman invented the orchestra hit.
Trevor Horn actually plays the horn.
Trevor Rabin actually plays the rabin
Asia attempted to sue Asia for using their name. After much negotiation, it was decided that the continent was free to use the name as long as they adopted Heat Of The Moment as their national anthem.
Igor Khoroshev is a paedophile, but you knew that anyway.
Wikipedia states in its trivia section that Alan wrote most of the song In The Presence Of, proving that a drummer writing a song is considered trivial.
Steve Howe’s solo piece “Clap” is actually a direct instruction to the audience, which when disobeyed, results in him being in a mood for the rest of the day.
Jon Anderson can transform into Pamela, Benny or Clive on demand.
No don’t exist.
Maybe might exist.
Yes do exist (you think I made all this up?!)
[edit] See Also
Jon Anderson
Steve Howe
Progressive rock
Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Yes_(band)"
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I didn't read this, and with good reason-what the hell is it and what was the point of posting this crap? Did you inhale paint fumes today Doc?

I stopped inhaling paint fumes years ago. I just thought it was funny, that's all.

Hey, if you're in Detroit, Jon Anderson is going to be doing an acoustic show at the Magic Bag on Monday, August 23.