Had the idea for this story awhile ago and just figured it out tonight.

Money’s Fool



Traffic is light outside of the casino at six in the morning. The sun hasn’t yet cleared the tops of the tall buildings downtown, and still Jeff squints at the light. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and tries to figure out what he’s going to do next. Looking around slowly, he turns the clock back to night and tries to remember which way the parking lot was. He picks a direction and walks that way, hoping he has some amount of luck left.

Ten hours ago Jeff stepped into the Greektown Casino with some trepidation. Warren’s bachelor party, meant to last most of the night, had ended when the bride-to-be and her two sisters had burst in to find two strippers doing unmentionable things to the best man. Despite Warren’s assurances that he had behaved like a perfect gentleman, his fiancé, who might have been called Emma or Elisa, possibly Beth, had stormed off in tears, and he’d had to run after her. That put an end to things and Jeff found himself in downtown Detroit with money in his pocket and no plans at all. What the hell, he thought. Whether in a g-string or a slot machine, the money would have been gone either way.

As the night progressed and the drinks were drunk, Jeff found himself drawn further and further into the casino. Slots led to roulette, then to blackjack, and finally poker. Somewhere along the way he’d acquired a companion, though his alcohol-drowned mind could not have recalled exactly when or where. She was in her forties, making her at least ten years his senior, with red hair from a bottle, long fingernails from a box, and a laugh that sounded like angels singing. She called herself his good luck charm, a claim that grew less and less credible as his pile of chips grew smaller.

Somewhere around five o’clock his good luck charm called it a night and wandered off to search for her husband. Jeff didn’t notice, as he was in the midst of turning his last ten dollars into far less money. By this time the happy buzz that had carried him into the casino and through most of the night had gone the way of his companion, and he realized with a sober clarity that he would soon be very poor and very hung over. If only he had gone home before reaching for his ATM card. The sneaky bastards placed the machines all over. He wasn’t sure exactly how much he had lost, but it consisted of all of the cash he had come in with, as well as the next month’s rent and car payment. The dealer turned over a four of clubs, and that was that. In a state of shock he stood up from the chair and stumbled toward the doorway.

Jeff’s car is where he left it, though the expensive car stereo is not, nor is the front window on the passenger side. Tiny snowflakes of glass crunch beneath his feet as he opens the door and brushes shards off the seat and onto the ground. Walking around the car, he gets inside and starts it up. He’s wide awake now and his smile turns into a laugh. As he pulls out of the parking lot he thanks his good luck charm. Her name was Ruby, he remembers. Sometime in the night she had slipped a coin into his shirt pocket. She called it “bus fare”. Not needing it, and feeling a bit self-destructive on his way out, he dropped it into the giant slot machine at the front of the casino. He had pulled the lever and turned away without looking at spinning slots. The bells and whistles and sirens that sounded stopped him in his tracks and he stared in amazement as the jackpot light flashed “$500,000 WINNER!!!” over and over again.

Good stuff, Monk. A nice little snippet of life. There were a few good turns of phrase in there, and the overall mood come across well. In your second to last paragraph, this: "If only he had gone home before reaching for his ATM card. The sneaky bastards placed the machines all over." I could use more of that. Those shorter lines play well off the others and stand out because of it. Playing with line lengths can be a very effective way of adding punch, making a point or enhancing drama.

I like the surpisingly happy ending, especially since this seemed to be leaning toward the usual "hard-luck drunken loser in Vegas" kind of story that we've all seen before.