Remember when you were in college....and AWESOME!
I do. Damn I was good. I was gonna be the next big thing. Don't mess with me, I'm a freaking artist.

That seems like so long ago. I could do anything. That as until I learned that I couldn't do much at all, especially if I did nothing,

Here's some some of my college awesomeness. JohnnyJ, Playwright.

This is long, so if you don't read it, just post how awesome I was.

(Let's see your college awesomness! We Rule!)



John Saccenti
1992



Table for Two



Scene:

A woman is led to a table of a dimly lit restaurant by a large man dressed in white. She is dressed in a white jacket that hangs open in front. There are silver buckles and straps hanging from the front of the jacket. The sound of soft piano music can be heard, but not scene. The table has settings for two. The woman looks quietly at the empty chair opposite here. She appears to be in a trance.

Comments made by the woman when there is no other cast member present are to be directed at the empty chair.

A spotlight comes on, illuminating the empty chair and the woman seems to awaken from her trance.

Lady: Sorry I’m late, I got caught up at the hospital.

(She waits silently, nods her head, then answers. Nothing is to be hard by the audience.)

Yeah, the boss kept me late, but, well you know, such is the life of a glamorous hospital executive. (she puts her hand on her heart and strikes an exaggerated fashion pose). At least I didn’t bring any work home for tonight. We can be together all evening.

(She smiles and suppresses a laugh then nods her head, as if she is listening to something.)

Ha, Ha. I bet you say that to all the girls. Well actually, your right, I have been working out. The hospital has an awesome gym downstairs, along with a mandatory workout program. (pause as she shuffles the plastic silverware of her place setting.)

You look good too.

(Re-enter the man in with a small notebook and a menu)

Man: Are you ready to order, madam?

Lady: Yes, but, uh, what are the specials? Do y ou have any ?

Man: (nervously. Pause as if he was thinking about it.) Uh, fried chicken, applesauce, creamed corn, um, hot soft pretzel, and milk. That’s our special.

Lady: (her face brightens more as she hears each offering) Ooooo. I’ll have that please.

Honey, do you want me to order for you?

Of course not, don’t be ridiculous. It would be my pleasure. We both know that you never could order for yourself.

He’ll have the same.

Man: Very good ma’am. I’ll be back in a few minutes. (he pretends to write down the order. He turns and bumps into the table before leaving. The woman is left alone with the chair.)

Lady: (watching the man scurry away) How rude. Well, at least he doesn’t treat you like some kind of lunatic. You remember, before we started coming here.

(She waits, then giggles)

I’m so glad you came. When you left the other day, I thought we’d never be together again. But here we are.

I’m so glad we could get together for a quiet dinner alone.

(She begins to move nervously, arranging her napkin and sipping water from the glass in front of her.)

So, how have you been?

(She waits with a look of hard listening.)

An article in Newsweek! That’s great. I’m so happy for you. I started to think you wouldn’t write again -- after your accident.

And about your accident. I’m sorry I never called or came to visit. The hospital wouldn’t let me in to see you, and when you didn’t try to reach me, well, I just thought you wanted to call off the whole thi--

(She ends in mid-sentence and turns her head as if listening)

I know it wasn’t your fault. (Starts to speak loud. She get louder with each word and her arms begin to flail) What was I supposed to think when you never came home or called? I was crazy with fear. I didn’t know what happened to you and when Alice told me that you were pushing up roses, well, (speaks more calmly) I just knew you had left me to live your life long dream of being a gardener.

(The man in the white re-enters. The woman stops and grabs here napkin as the man places one plate of food in front of here and one in front of the empty chair.)

Man: Here you are. Just be careful, sometimes the plates are hot.

Lady: Mmmm! Smells Good. (nods her head and speaks like a concerned mother) You better eat something. You’ve been such a light eater lately. Why, your all skin and bones.

(She begins eating with her hands. She listens to the empty chair intently for several seconds)

Ha, ha, ha! With a vacuum? Yeah, that is a good one!

(The lady quickly finishes her food, which is all over here face, the table and here jacket. She looks hungrily at the plate in front of her.)

Are you going to eat that?

Well, I shouldn’t, but if you insist. No, no, no. .....well,....ok.

(She begins to eat from the plate before here and finishes it in the same manner.)

Mmmm. That was good.

(burps and slouches back. She picks up the end of the table cloth and wipes her hands and face. The man re-enters, clears away the plates and leaves)

Listen. I’ve really missed you and I want you to know, well, that, I still love you. My God, It’s been five years and I still think about you every day. You’re in my dreams. You’re there when I go to bed at night and when I wake up in the morning. I need you.

(listens)

(loudly) No. I won’t shut up. I mean it all. Every word.

(listens again)

(Growing frustrated) Well forgive me, your highness. I didn’t mean to offend your delicate sensibilities, but what you did wasn’t fair to me either. (Angrily) You promised to be with me forever, and what do you do? You run off with some mortician and become a gardener. (shouting) What was I supposed to do?

(Listens)

I will not quiet myself! (she stands) I don’t care if the whole world hears me.

(Yells at the top of her lungs. She starts throwing things.) Now hear this world, I love this man and he left me for some pale faced bitch who likes to dress in black to go be a gardener at some godforsaken cemetery. (She looks around as if people are staring at here. She sits down regretfully and she starts to cry.)

I really hate cemeteries.

Sorry about that.

(man enters)

Man: I’m sorry. Is everything OK ma’am. I heard you screaming and I was wondering if there was anything wrong.

Lady: (softly sobbing, but with an air of restraint) I’m sorry, I just get worked up once in awhile.

Man: Well, if there’s anything I can get for you, just ask.

Here. I have some dinner mints for you.

(He hands the woman a cup with three red pills in it)

Compliments of the house.

Lady: Thank you.

(The waiter leaves. After he is gone, the woman scoops the tiny pills out of the cup, and swallows them at once with the water.)

Listen, I’m sorry. I just thought that maybe we could work things out.

Yes. I know it’s been a long time, but I thought that maybe we could try. I mean, we were so good together.

(She composes herself, wipes tears from here face, and listens.)

I guess. Well, I was just hoping.

(Her head begins to nod up and down. She yawns.)

You know, it’s bee so lonely, and like I said, we were great together.

(Man enters.)

Man: Madam, we are getting ready to close. Is there anything else I can get you?

Lady: ( Her eyes begin to slowly open and close) No. No thanks, we’re getting ready to go.

(The man leaves)

Gosh. I’m having so much trouble keeping my eyes open. I’m almost ready for sleep. Hey, how about if you and I go out for awhile? I know this club that doesn’t close until 3 a.m.

(She tries to get up.)

No, Please. Don’t go. I’m sorry I yelled. I thought we were getting along so well.

(Listens)

Yeah, I’ll see you later, but first.

(She raises here head up to here mouth and blows a kiss in the direction of the chair)

That has to last until next time.

I love you too. See you later.

(She turns. Here eyes slowly follow the path to the door. The light on the chair fades out)

Good-bye. I love you. See you.

(The lady sits back down. She puts here head down and falls asleep. The waiter enters and picks up here head. He pulls her arms across her chest and attaches the buckles and straps until she is fully restrained. The light in the restaurant goes on, exposing three rows of men and women sitting in a balcony above the restaurant.
They begin to leave. Each has a clipboard and is busily scratching notes. The light remains until they exit. The woman is left slumped in the chair. The light fades and the stage is left black.)



See, I Ruled!