The first 11 pages of the script to the manga short story in my upcoming book PROFESSIONAL MANGA. There are 20 pages total, so I've included the rest in an outline. I hope to finish scripting it soon. Comments appreciated. OTHER SIDE OF THE TRACKS is copyright 2007 Steve Horton, all rights reserved.
MECH DESIGNS
Keil and Jeyne's mechs should be nearly identical, as they come from the same military stock. The mechs are small - about three times the size of the pilot. They should have arms and hands, but the arms can have guns on them. They should still look like a mech rather than a robot. Each mech should have some sort of unique distinguishing marks so a reader can tell them apart easily. Perhaps one is damaged in a way that the other is not. Also, put a big symbol somewhere on each one that represents the pilot - this symbol is totally different on each mech. These are the heroes.
The opposing mechs should be of a similar size, but look totally different. The arms are gun arms rather than hands. The enemy mechs have more weapons and look more technically impressive. Each of the two opposing mechs should also have different symbols representing the pilots and should also have some distinguishing feature that sets them apart.
CHARACTER DESIGNS
Keil is male. He has dark, spiky hair and wears a long, dark red headband. He's got a khaki "desert" military uniform on - you get to design this. There should be an obvious patch on it somewhere with the same symbol that's on the front of the mech.
Jeyne is female. She has blond hair tied back in a long ponytail. The ponytail tie is a long, light ribbon. Her uniform is like Keil's, but more form-fitting. Again, the symbol on her uniform matches the one on the mech.
MECH INTERIOR
When we see the mech from the inside, it should look like a cockpit with controls and displays all around them. The characters are suspended standing up in this cockpit with braces around their legs and arms. Moving their arms and legs does likewise in the mech itself. At their hands is a grip with buttons on it for firing.
SCRIPT
Page 1
Splash
The background should look like this throughout the story:
http://www.destination360.com/north-ame ... canyon.jpg
http://www.astronomy-images.com/day-ima ... n.5400.jpg
http://ndep.nv.gov/bapc/graphics/red_rock.jpg
It's a firefight between four mechs high on a red cliff - our two heroes Keil and Jeyne are backed against the edge of an extended cliffside that looks like the first reference photo. The two bad mechs are advancing on them. The bad mechs's shots are hitting the good mechs, while the good mechs shots are going wild. Keil should be on our left; Jeyne on our right.
CAPTION:
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TRACKS
CREATED & WRITTEN BY STEVE HORTON
ART BY JEONG MO YANG
LETTERING BY JOHNNY LOWE
Page 2
Panel 1: A tight shot of Keil's eyes. He looks in fear for his life!
KEIL: Jeyne! I can't hold them off!
Panel 2: Pull back to Keil in the cockpit. His arms are forward and thumb and fingers on the buttons. One of his legs is slightly further back than the other.
KEIL: Systems down to 30 percent!
KEIL: We're in trouble!
JEYNE (off, radio or crackly balloon): No we're not, Keil! My heat sensor is back on!
Panel 3: Outside now - close on Keil's foot, as it's scraping against the very edge of the cliff! Rocks are falling and Keil is close to going over!
JEYNE: Keil, their ammo containers are red-hot! Micro-rocket launch NOW!
Page 3
Panel 1: A medium shot outside. Keil and Jeyne's mechs fire six tiny rockets each from the guns on their arms! The rockets have a smoke trail behind them.
SFX: SPKOW!
Panel 2: The evil mechs turn their eyes and arms skyward, tracking the heat-seeking rockets, which have flown every which way as they try and find their heat target. The enemy gun fire sprays everywhere but fails to find a single rocket.
Panel 3: From wherever the rockets were, they suddenly smash directly into the same spot on each enemy mech (pick a spot that looks like it might hold ammo, as long as you're consistent)!
Panel 4: Both enemy mechs explode!
Page 4:
Panel 1: The two hero mechs look around them on the ground - the ground is shaking and cracks are forming! Also, the two enemy mechs are smoking ruins.
KEIL: "Great plan, Jeyne. Just terrific."
Panel 2: The cliff cracks wide!
Panel 3: The mechs plummet toward the valley floor, several hundred feet below!
Page 5:
Panel 1 - large panel: All four mechs slam into the earth. The two conscious hero mechs fall on to their backs, while the burned-out enemy mechs fall haphazardly.
SFX: BOOM!
Panels 2-3 should be the same size.
Panel 2: Keil's cockpit. His arms and legs are in the same position as the fallen mech and he's unconscious.
Panel 3: Jeyne's cockpit - similar. First time we see Jeyne. She's out cold.
Page 6:
Panel 1:
Close on Jeyne's eyes as they peek open.
Panel 2:
Pull out to just her face as they snap open and she shouts.
Jeyne: STATUS REPORT!
Keil: (off) Uhnnnn...
Keil: (off) Status report is that I'm going to be one large bruise for weeks.
Panel 3:
Jeyne grins despite her pain. They're both OK and she's relieved.
Jeyne: Likewise. At least we're alive.
Jeyne: Squad commander wasn't so lucky.
Panel 4:
Back to Keil, who's moving his arm braces with palms downward, testing the ground.
Jeyne: (off): We need to get back up there. Re-attach ourselves to another squad.
Keil: ...
Keil: I'm not so sure.
Page 7:
Panel 1:
Cut back to outside. Pieces of the cliffside are everywhere but the ground is level. There are rocks and cliffs in the near background, but this is as far down as it goes. The mechs are sitting up with hands on the ground. The wrecked enemy mechs are visible and still smoking in the background.
Jeyne: What's that supposed to mean?
Panel 2:
The mechs get to their feet.
Keil: ...
Panel 3: Both mechs are on their feet. Keil's mech gestures toward the burned-out enemy mechs.
Keil: We almost got KILLED up there! What if it had been OUR mecha exploding and cooking us like ground Vlat?
Panel 4: Jeyne walks toward the nearest dead mech.
Jeyne: Our ammo doesn't tend to overheat.
Keil: That's not the point! You volunteered for this. I was drafted!
Panel 5: Cut to inside. Jeyne's braced arms are out with hands off the triggers, as if she's rummaging through something - which she is. Her expression makes it look like she's not really all that interested in the conversation.
Jeyne: So?
Keil (off): So I expect to make it through the war alive and back to my family!
Keil (off): You saw how the battle was going. The Axis have overrun the entire sector.
Keil (off): Haven't you been listening to subspace? They'll probably be here in a few minutes!
Page 8:
Panel 1: Cut back outside to Jeyne's mech. Crouched over the enemy mech, she rips the gun arm off the mech she's searching with the sound of tearing metal.
SFX: GREEEEEEE
Panel 2: Jeyne's mech looks back at Keil standing over her, holding the gun arm in her mech's hand.
Jeyne: I think I can use this. The power connectors match!
Keil: Have you listened to a word I've said?
Page 9:
Panel 1:
Close on Jeyne's face. She's angry.
Jeyne: I heard you. You want to run away. Well, run away, then! Desert, for all I care!
Panel 2:
Cut outside. Jeyne's mech has already stood up. She slams her own fist against her chest, knuckles out.
Jeyne: I signed up to FIGHT. It's what I was BORN for. It's what my parents RAISED me for.
Jeyne: My father was a COMMANDER! He died in the war when I was FIVE.
Panel 3:
Jeyne's mech's palms are out.
Jeyne: Fighting is all I know. Actually, I do know one other thing. I'm going to die doing this. But I'm going to take as many Axis with me as I can!
Panel 4:
Cut to Keil's face. There are tears in his eyes.
Keil: You - I -
Page 10:
Panel 1: Big panel. Pull out to show Keil is slumped down in his harness, his head and arms limp. Leave a lot of room for dialogue.
Keil: That's not me. You're so different than me.
Keil: I - We've know each other for three months, but I never knew all this -
Keil: I just want to get through this and get back to my life, not die shooting.
Keil: I thought I loved you. I never said it till now, but ...
Panel 2: Reaction shot of Jeyne in her cockpit. She's surprised.
Jeyne: You thought you loved me?
Panel 3: Back outside. Keil's mech is pointing up at the cliffs.
Keil: You should go.
Keil: Take as much weaponry and ammo as you can salvage and make something of yourself.
Page 11:
Panel 1: Keil's mech turns its back on Jeyne.
Keil: Me - I'm going to try and catch a transport, get Stateside. They'll probably throw me in jail.
Keil: At least I'll be alive.
Jeyne: Keil...
Panel 2: Keil begins to walk off.
Keil: Goodbye, Jeyne. Kill an Axis for me, eh?
Page 12: Keil's making his long journey across the rocks and turns on Subspace to pass the time.
Page 13: He hears Jeyne's voice! She's engaging the enemy. He almost can't bear it as he knows something bad's going to happen.
Page 14: He hears her get cut down!
Page 15: He turns around and starts running back!
Page 16: From long range, he headshots all four mechs standing over her body.
Page 17: He makes his way back the rest of the way.
Page 18: He cracks open her mecha.
Page 19: Keil's arms are up, and in a parallel panel, the mech is cradling Jeyne's body. Her hair ribbon flutters to the floor. He stares at it.
Page 20: With the ribbon in the same position as before, but with a new scene around it, He's looking at a mound of earth with a piece of metal stuck in it, hastily engraved Jeyne. The ribbon is lying on top of the grave. He picks up the ribbon in his mech hand and clutches it in a fist. I need to take the war to them. End it! For Jeyne.
