A long time ago there was a small village called Hevelplexie, in the village lived a great man named Swiffy the Brave. One day, while being brave, Swiffy stumbled across a street vendor selling bootlegged copies of MC Hammer's Greatest Hits.

"Eh, ye brave fellow, want to buy yeself some Hammer?" said the vendor.

"How much would be this Hammer you be selling?" said Swiffy, who for some reason was talking like a pirate.

"All you have to pay...is your life!" the vendor replied right before pulling out a sword and charging at our great and noble protagonist. Swiffy responded quickly by shooting the guy with the second major anachronism to appear in this story (basically that means some sort of gun), the vendor fell to the ground and with his dying breath spoke "This is not the end Swiffy."

Swiffy stood up triumphant when suddenly the town's token child, Randy, ran into town yelling "Swiffy! Swiffy! We need your help Swiffy!"

"What seems to be the problem young man?" Swiffy said in an authoritative and commanding voice.

"It's Magdeline!" Randy exclaimed, "She's being attacked by a dragon!"

"Then I must save her," Swiffy said in a heroic manner, and he hopped on his horse and road off to save Magdeline.

To be continued...

I can't wait to see what happens next!

I can't get past the image of MC Hammer sliding around in big "swiffy" pants.

But all I can really think to say about this piece is
And then what... (Cause I really want to know.)

When last we saw Swiffy the Brave he had just slain a treacherous foe, when suddenly Randy informed Swiffy that the lovely lady Magdeline was in great danger from a dragon, hearing this new Swiffy boarded his steed and swept of to rescue her from her imminent doom...

Swiffy approached Magdeline and the dragon on his noble stead Cloro.

He gazed upon the dragon, mighty and fierce, attacking the lovely lady Magdeline, "Away beast!" Swiffy exclaimed.

"Grrrrrr, rarrrr, grerarerarerar," the dragon growled at Swiffy then returned back to attacking Magdeline.

"That," Swiffy said, adding a dramatic pause, "Was your last warning," he charged at the beast sword drawn, the dragon turned toward Swiffy and breathed fire toward him, which Swiffy of course dodged with ease. "Die foul beast!" Swiffy exclaimed, "Die or I'll be forced to kill you myself!"

Suddenly and with little to no warning a cloud of smoke appeared directly above the dragon, and from this cloud appeared the evil Lady Desrenatu, who 20 years earlier had killed Swiffy's parents. "Hello Swiffy, we meet again," she said in an evil sort of way.

"Yes, it would seem so," Swiffy responded, having forgotten about the dragon.

"Who would have thought it would take my pet here trying to kill your lovely lady for us to reunite, we should get together more often, how's Sunday for you?"

"Bad!" Swiffy cried jumping off his horse and onto the dragon, he ran up the dragons neck as the dragon was shaking himself like a wet dog and jumped toward Desrenatu, he grabbed her left foot and, with his sword, cut it off. Swiffy fell to the ground with Lady Desrenatu's foot in hand .

"Ow!" Desrenatu exclaimed, "That hurt, forget getting together Sunday, or ever, just for that, I'll take your little lady, and you can deal with my pet, both of them." Magdeline, who had been stangely quite this who time, let out a scream, then her and Desrenatu disappeared in a cloud of smoke, just as that happened the dragon turned his full attention to Swiffy and the foot Swiffy still had grasped in his hand turned into a giant serpent and turned her full attention toward Swiffy.

Swiffy wet himself, but in a brave way.

To be continued...

I want to say this is badly written, but it's funny and makes me want to read more, so that's clearly not the case.

ps - I have been known to actually dance like this.

Swiffy the Brave, but in a wet way.

When last we saw Swiffy he had just been attacked by a dragon and the evil Lady Desrenatu's foot, which turned into a giant snake.

"This seems really freakin' bad to me," Swiffy bravely declared, "Really freakin' bad." Swiffy lunged at the dragon and stabbed the dragon in the leg, the dragon screamed a horrible scream that only a dragon can make, it sound like when you step on a dogs tail but it's way louder and accompanied by fire balls.

The serpent the lurched forward and Swiffy dodged then swung at the serpent's neck with his sword, like something that may make a swinging motion, like maybe a swing or something. Swiffy hit the serpent dead on and the serpent writhed in pain squirting evil serpent blood everywhere.

Swiffy dodged the blood, but some got on the dragon and the dragon was revitalized by the serpents evil, the dragon then flew into the air shooting fire everywhere, Swiffy then jumped on his horse (whom I'm pretty sure isn't dead, I can't remember him dying so I'll just assume he's not) and ran off away from the dragon, dodging the dragons evil flames.

Whilst dodging Swiffy came across and evil castle that he immediately recognized as Desrenatu's wandering castle, he remembered that due to an ancient curse put in place by his father, no creature of Desrenatu can use its powers inside the moat of her castle, all Swiffy had to do was get over the moat, so he swam, "Hah!" He exclaimed, having reached the other side, "You are powerless to stop me now! It is time I save Magdeline!"

And so he went off to do so.

To be continued...

Saved in the nick of time by the ancient curse put in place by Swiffy's father! Did NOT see that coming!

When last we saw Swiffy, he had reached Lady Desrenatu's Mystical Wandering Castle and had entered sword drawn to confront his her head on...

Swiffy entered the castle, wearing shining armor and looked around, he was surrounded by dark walls of black with the only light coming from torches attached to the wall via some sort of attaching mechanism, the light from outside didn't seem able to reach inside the castle.

He felt out of place in these surroundings, like an anorexic white guy at a soul food buffet, he entered carefully while humming the tune of the Police's "Every Breath You Take".

He walked through the passages until he reached the Lady Desrenatu's throne room, which was guarded by two armed guards wearing armor, Swiffy took them out effortlessly, seeing how one of the was drunk and the other had an inner ear infection.

As he entered the Lady Desrenatu's throne room he saw that it wasn't much different from the rest castle, just better lit, bigger, and with a very ornate chair in the middle of it.

Lady Desrenatu seemed to not be there, until Swiffy remembered should could fly and looked up, but just a moment too late, as Desrenatu had already cast some sort of evil spell thing on him, "Decrenetu espevellius" she muttered and Swiffy was knocked unconcious.

He awoke several hours late stripped down to his undergarments and in what appeared to be a dungeon of Lady Desrenatu's castle.

Swiffy put his head in his hands and let out a huge sigh, "Oh for the love of God", he muttered.

The End

A sad and terrible end for poor Swiffy.

This may be the end of Swiffy, but not the end of the story.

A sequel lies in the future, but not the immediate future, for now I'm moving onto other projects.

Stay tuned for those.

*bump*

The continuation will be up sometime today or tomorrow, stay tuned.