First, if Ian could move this to the Writer's Block, as this really is primarily a writing thread, I would appreciate it.

Next, this is ©2007 James C. Taylor, all rights reserved. The only right you have to it is to read it.

And finally...

This is post 7000!


Ace's Christmas

"Aruba" Ace mumbled through chattering teeth, hugging himself against the crisp, stinging Alaskan wind. "Why am I up here and Nereid in Aruba?"

"Because she looks much better in a bikini than you do." Mrs. Wonderful adjusted the tilt of her red stocking cap with white fur trim and a white fur ball at the end. "But then again, I look better in a bikini than you do."

"So why are you here?" Ace scanned the horizon, looking for the movement of anything other than dancing sprites of snow.

"Same as you; to guard this equipment against hijacking before delivery." Mrs. Wonderful opened her compact and applied lipstick.

"I know that." Ace shivered. "It was a philosophical question. I'm just complaining that it's a couple of days till Christmas and I am so far from being snug in my bed it's not funny." Ace looked Mrs. Wonderful up and down. She was wearing a red parka with a white fur collar and white trim on the ends of the sleeves and at the bottom of jacket, belted with her blue belt with her MW insignia on it. Her standard white and blue cape was attached to the parka. She wore white fence-net stockings and blue boots with white fur at the cuff, pointed toes and a modest heel. "Aren't your legs cold in that?"

"Yes, but with my powers it doesn't bother me like it used to. I can feel it's cold; I just don't have to do anything about it."

"Must be nice. My face is freezing." Ace's costume covered most of his body, and this particular version was insulated against cold, but his ears and the lower half of his face was still exposed. The ears were covered by ear muffs. "Maybe I should fire one of these gizmos up, just to get warm."

"Not unless you're packing a nuclear power plant."

"That's what all the ladies say."

Mrs. Wonderful tittered. "The Investigator was saying that these machines require so much power to operate them, they'd cause brownouts on the North American power grid."

"So who could actually power them up? And what does this stuff actually do?" Ace walked to one of the crates and searched for a label. "And where is the Investigator?"

"He's investigating something, I'm sure." Mrs. Wonderful adjusted the hem of her parka, pulling one way then the other. "I think he said this one was a holographic multi-projection broadcaster. You could appear to be everywhere at once! Kind of like your hands on a date."

"Where'd you hear that?" Ace wiped the frost off of a crate label. "A freight class teleporter. And a psionic monitor." He shook his head. "What's a psionic monitor?"

"The ship that fought the psionic Merrimac!" Mrs. Wonderful smiled.

"Huh? What? Oh. Military joke." The wind whipped past a spray of drifting snow. "I forgot you were married to a history professor."

"You know, Ace, I actually have a brain in my head to call my own."

"Let's see if we can change that" Standing before them in a sketchy holographic projection was the Big Idea, the evil scientist they faced many times before. Mrs. Wonderful took a swipe at the shape, her fist passing right through.

"Nice try, but I am far away from you, in my orbiter. I decided to explore space after I escaped jail, and you wouldn't believe the worlds I've found. I intend to conquer one of them and those devices will help me do it."

Ace stood with his arms folded across his chest. "But who's going to help you get them from us, pal?"

"They are." Dropping from the sky were small, nut brown creatures consisting of four spines or tentacles meeting in a center mass, sort of like the inner tent poles of a tetrahedron. Some landed directly on Ace and Mrs. Wonderful, battering them since they weighed several pounds. Others landed on the large crates and then hurled themselves at the duo.

Ace flung them furiously to the ground. "Yuck! There are thousands of these things!"

Mrs. Wonderful whirled on her heel, spinning them off with centrifugal force. Ace whipped electric shock cards at the ones moving on the equipment, missing as much as he hit. "The cold is throwing my aim off."

Mrs. Wonderful hurled two of them about a half mile. "Maybe I should fly up to the edge of the atmosphere to see if I can stop him from dropping these things on us."

Ace deflected a falling creature. "While I get bludgeoned to death by these things?"

Mrs. Wonderful put her hands on her hips and leaned forward. "Do you have a better idea?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. The only ones attacking us are the ones that don't land in the snow. There must be something about the water in the snow that affects them."

"So what do you want me to do?"

"Make it snow."

Mrs. Wonderful whipped several creatures into each other. "I'm not a genie. How do I make it snow?"

"Fly back to the base and ask them for some silver iodide. Then fly up into the clouds and spread it around. Hurry!"

Mrs. Wonderful flew off as Ace continued to get battered and bruised by the creatures.

After what seemed like forever, it started to snow in fits and spurts. "You go, girl!" Ace exclaimed, raising a fist to the air. The snow picked up into a steady stream and then into near blizzard visiblity. "Okay. You can stop now."

Suddenly a red glow appeared on the horizon. Ace readied himself for another threat, but only a big man in a parka stepped forward. "I think you have something for me."

"One second." Ace looked around then checked the phrase on his card. "Batman smells..."

The man laughed. "Like a lightbulb."

"Glad to meet you, Dr. Santos. Now I can get home. But how are you going to get this stuff out of here?"

"I have a crew." Dr. Santos gesticulated and a veritable army of small men came and pushed the large crates onto what appeared to be wide, metal sleds. The heavy, heavy snow made it hard for Ace to see anything clearly.

"The U.S. government thanks you for your purchase, Dr. Santos. Now I'm going to find Mrs. Wonderful and get the heck out of here."

"You're welcome, Ace. And call me Nick." Nick walked back to the red light as the crew pulled the sleds across the tundra.

The blizzard stayed thick and furious until they were completely out of sight beyond the horizon. Ace heard a whooshing noise behind him.

"I have the silver iodide, Ace! How do I spread it?"

"The creatures have all perished and the machines have been picked up, so you don't need to spread any more."

"What do you mean 'any more?' I haven't started yet."

"But what caused the snow?"

"Condensation in the atmosphere? I don't know. I majored in Family Studies. Let me carry you back to the base so we can go home."

"Great. Tonight Rusty and I are going to watch our favorite Christmas movie."

Mrs. Wonderful lifted Ace off the ground and flew into the air. "What movie is it?"

"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians."

Mrs. Wonderful laughed. "Like that would ever happen."

Because it's words AND pictures, I get to pimp it two places:

IMWAN4 - Fathers Be Good To Your Daughters, debuting 3 March 2008.

Links to iPop and to purchase the book outright should be in my signature. Let me go look.

Big news! Only I don't know I can announce it yet! I'm finding out. But big news!

Yes, folks. Your Second Favorite Foursome® is back (not that they went anywhere) in an audio adventure so epic it took over a year to deliver (that and people have jobs)! Hear the adventure promised previously on the last page of the very first webcomic! And best of all, it's free!

Go here, download and enjoy!

http://www.twerponline.net/imwan/index.htm

Your Second Favorite Foursome® is backerer! The IMWAN 4 are in yet another audio adventure. If you ever listen to only one IMWAN 4, listen to this one, mostly because you might be in it! This is another fine audio production from TWERP, TimeWell Electronic Recording Productions, or something like that.

http://www.twerponline.net/imwan/index.htm

Is there a thread somewhere, James, where you told the IMWANkers that Your Second Favorite Foursome® has their third audio adventure up?

http://www.twerponline.net/imwan/index.htm

From the people who brought you the IMWAN 4, the web comic, comes the IMWAN 4 the actual comic!

Buy one now for just $4 at IndyPlanet!

http://www.indyplanet.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=6296

Thanks to Trevor for inspiring me to do this.

I got this. It was good fun. Nice work, guys!

So, a million years after I wrote about the IMWAN 4 here, I started a romantic superhero action-comedy audio play podcast called My Amazing Woman. Three years after that, the IMWAN 4 has somehow wormed their way into the show. If you'd like to listen, you may at this link.

https://myamazingwoman.podbean.com/e/my ... er-s03e06/

I'll check it out, James. I've enjoyed the My Amazing Woman episodes before.