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This is heartbreaking to read. Well written and expressive, but heartbreaking.

In this hollow chapel, there is
A slow-motion unwinding
Of us.

The black veil cascades
Behind me, and I wait for you
To arrive down the aisle.
Jet roses adorn my neck
Instead of pearls.

My father walks with you this time,
Instead of me.
Day-lilies this time,
Instead of white roses.

My Something Blue
Is still your eyes.
My Something Borrowed
Is you.

Haunting, but beautifully written.

For a Girl I Know Named Lei. (Alternately titled: Salaam and Salve)

Lei-Ara joined a Discord server to a chorus of salaams
She thought she was miasmic and they prob'ly thought she was haraam
And they put on a youtube recitation and she nearly cried
And she knew at that moment something deep inside her soul had died
She told her guardians "I think I love this, but it's not my way"
They said "You know that's not who you are, forget it, go to Zeus and pray."

So the Muslims and the Pagan sat together 'round the fire
Sharing faith and friendship as their separate gods require
And she wept at her altar that night just before she went to bed
Praying for relief and strength from all her gods and goddesses

The prayers were mesmerizing and Lei-Ara listened every day
Till one of them said, "Try it, put your forehead to the ground and pray."
She turned three different colors, said "Excuse me, but I have to go"
She ran off to a scholar who said "Keep Away!" She said, "I know...
But I love what I've seen back there, the friends I've made, the world we share
And they find magic in Allah and I find magic everywhere."

So the Muslims and the Pagan sat together 'round the fire
Sharing faith and friendship as their separate gods require
And where does magic come from? Maybe magic's in exploring
But healthy magic shouldn't make you cry, Lei's heart was warning

Lei-Ara's been stuck for three months now; now she finds she cannot pray
When she sits at her altar she starts crying; the gods stay away
She writes songs about Islam and she writes hymns to Apollo
And she begs, "Gods, take this pain from me and I'll forever follow"
And that lasts thirty minutes, till she calls her guardians again
Saying "What if I convert?" And they say, "Girl, you're gonna do us in!"

So the Muslims and the Pagan sit together 'round the fire
Sharing faith and friendship as their separate gods require
Lighting up the darkness trying to patch up a broken heart
And making sense of sickness using songs and poetry and art

Once while I was standing on the beach
A teenage girl walked up to me
She held in her hand a single pill
One with the potency to kill

I said to her, "Don't die!"

I wasn't compelled to save her life
I couldn't care less if she died
To be honest I was quite annoyed
Her presence made my own death void

So the teenage girl told me her woes
You can guess how the story goes
"I've just been adopted by someone"
"My days with mom and dad are done."

For Gods' sakes why do you seriously want to die??
I can't believe this stupid girl got here before me
Don't be upset; your whole life is an adventure now!
She smiled and said, "Guess I'll cope with my new life somehow."

The teenage girl beside me walked away.

The next day, I thought, today's the day
I'll end my life soon either way.
But there was a girl in hijab there
Holding a pill box in despair

I said to her, "Don't die!"

I wasn't compelled to save the day
I couldn't care less either way
All I wanted was to die in peace
By myself so the pain could cease

The hijabi girl told me her woes
You can guess how the story goes
"I have worshiped many gods before"
"But I don't love them anymore."

For Gods' sakes why do you seriously want to die??
I can't believe this stupid girl got here before me
Just pray to whichever Gods you think can help you out
The Gods you want the most will show up through all your doubt

And the girl in the headscarf walked away.

Someone else was waiting every day
I talked to them, they turned away
They left all their fentanyl behind
How fortunate for me to find

For the very first time, now I see
Someone with the same pain as me
She had bandages on both her hands
Powerless to her circumstance

Even though I'd done this every day
This time I knew not what to say
I couldn't convince her to go on
Lying to her would feel so wrong

"You'll be alright; don't die!"

So the bandaged girl told me her woes
"I can't live to see how this goes!"
"Every day I'll just get worse and worse!"
"My whole existence is a curse!"

What can I say? I can't make this girl's pain go away
I just wish she'd stop looking at me with such despair
She said, "I guess I could live to see another dawn"
"But I'll be back tomorrow when I cannot go on.


The girl with bandaged hands then walked away

I arrive the next day, I'm alone
Finally I'm all on my own
Here with all the pills I gathered up
This is the day I'll have some luck

So I unwrap all my bandages
Then I take my himation off
I whisper goodbye to teenage me
Swallow the pills and I am free.

Well done, Christine.

Thank you very much!

I'm a sillhouette
Chasing nebulae again
And I so regret
Being traitorous through pain
And we both know I betrayed my name
And I let the Theoi down
So the long neglected altar flame
Burned my temple to the ground
I'm a sillhouette
Made of promises and ash
And the more I try to steer my life
The more I watch it crash
So I have to let my future come to pass

So many times in life, I’ve felt alone
That no one could have reached out, could have cared
Adrift in pain, a pain the whole world shared
Yet each of us curled inward on our own.
My secret heart sang out a different tone
And though my wayward mind was unprepared
My unrestrainéd heart, my sorrow bared,
Called out to you, my newest cornerstone.

Your faith surrounds you with a quiet grace
That someday I might hope to emulate
Although I've not so much as seen your face
Each dawn I tiptoe closer to your fate
Gods bless the little branches that extend
From soul to soul that I might call you friend

Found in one of my tabets when I had that HIV scare.

To My Husband:
I have always known I was predestined
To grow old before my youth was spent
I was sure my life would be a drama
Why, gods why, did it have to be RENT?

Though I dearly wish that I could sever
Any hope that this might not be true
In your loving gaze I catch forever
And forget my death began with you!

Many are the days I breathed because you gave me life
Many are the days you ripped away
Tell me how it feels to be a fellow human's God
Laurels shaped from heartbeats and decay

I will not find closure in regrets or lies or truths
I cannot know peace with this, my fate
Some of us are only born to break and be destroyed
Praise the Gods, I only knew too late.