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 Post subject: 12 years later, I unearth this...
PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 2:24 pm 
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Lactose intolerant

Joined: 28 Dec 2006
Posts: 327
Location: East Brunswick N.J.
I wrote this in 1995 and just stumbled on it. I like it. It's about the Titanic and is stupid, but fun.



Down the Drain



Bradley stepped out of the ballroom to catch his breath. It was quite a party and only now did he realize how drunk he had gotten. He wasn't really supposed to be here. The parties were supposed to be exclusive to the wealthy.

Bradley and his family, along with hundreds like them, were confined to the bowels of the ship. The fact that they had a small part in history; that they were passengers on the maiden voyage of the Titanic, the worlds first unsinkable ship, was supposed to be all they would need, that and the fact that they were going to America. But Bradley couldn't resist sneaking out. He wanted to dance with widowed millionaires and eat caviar off of small crackers. He didn't want to have a bit part in history, but a leading role. But now he was drunk, with few ideas on how to get back to his room.

He headed downwards, maneuvering his way through deserted metallic corridors with only the hum of secret engines as his guide. The champagne he drank earlier was good -- very good. It left a something that not only made him feel warm and good, but also prevented him from realizing he was lost. He wandered aimlessly, confident that he knew where he was going.

"Damn! Stupid ship!" he hissed, finally realizing that the last ten minutes of walking had been pointless. He looked around at where he stood. To his left was a large steel door with a darkened glass porthole. Checking the handle and finding it locked; he turned to his right. Up on the wall was a panel. He flipped it open and peered in. There was a bright yellow lever and a sign. It read simply, "DO NOT TOUCH." "Ah-ha," he exclaimed with a false sense of knowledge, as he reached in and flipped it up. There was a grumble and the door behind him slid open.

Bradley's senses were assaulted with the smells of decay and salt and he struggled to see through the pitch-blackness. Fumbling through his pockets, he found a match and quickly lit it. All thoughts of returning to his room vanished from his mind. There was a mystery here in this room, as it was quite unlike any other that he had been in.

He saw a kerosene lamp near the center of the room and lit it. The room was large and empty and damp and there was obviously nothing in it that seemed important, but he couldn't leave. He had a feeling that if he stayed, something important would happen that he didn't want to miss. That was when he saw it. Over in the corner was a spot, somehow unaffected by the light given off by the lamp.

The affects of the alcohol he had consumed cleared from his head, only to be replaced by an insatiable curiosity. There was another sign, attached to nothing, yet somehow suspended in mid-air. It was identical to the one in the hallway and it said, "DO NOT TOUCH." Below was a large, round object that looked like a huge cork from a giant champagne bottle. It was attached to the floor and had a touch that was cold and soft.

"Now, what could that be?" he wondered, cautiously circling it like a vulture. He touched it again, this time trying to pick it up; but it wouldn't budge. Suddenly there was a siren. Another sign dropped in front of the first. "SIGN NO. 2: DO NOT TOUCH!" Bradley had been breaking all the rules since arriving on the Titanic and had gotten nothing but good things. This was obviously a warning he should ignore. The ringing continued and, as the moments ticked by, got louder.

Bradley bent down, grabbing the round thing, and tried again. The small victory provided him with nothing more than a renewed strength and will. He struggled and thought about how the only things worth having are the ones you have to work for. With this as his battle cry, the unknown object loosened still more, until, after several more tugs, it gave.

Bradley's momentum threw him across the room and into the lamp. The ship lurched and his ears filled with the sound of rushing water. It was coming from where the round object had been. He raced out and into the hallway, screaming at the top of lungs before blacking out.

Bradley couldn't tell you how long he was unconscious if you asked him. But what he could tell you is that he wished he hadn't woken up. He found himself on a wooden plank. It looked like it had once been a floor. He was in the middle of nowhere and floating somewhere. Crying noises came from heads that bobbed up and down in the freezing water.

"My family, my family! How could have this happened!" someone screamed. He looked down to see what he was holding. Bradley knew how it happened, and he wasn't telling anyone


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 Post subject: 12 years later, I unearth this...
PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:06 pm 
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Biker Librarian

Joined: 26 Mar 2007
Posts: 25152
Location: On the highway, looking for adventure
JohnnyJ wrote:
I wrote this in 1995 and just stumbled on it. I like it. It's about the Titanic and is stupid, but fun.


Don't laugh--there was a major scandal at the "Titanic" inquest when they found out that they didn't have that thing locked down according to Board of Trade regulations! :wink:

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The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls who, when he found an especially costly one, sold everything he had to buy it.


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 Post subject: 12 years later, I unearth this...
PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 11:40 am 
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Lactose intolerant

Joined: 28 Dec 2006
Posts: 327
Location: East Brunswick N.J.
I guess I just have a dark yet ridiculous sense of humor. Pulling the plug out of the Titanic, why the very idea...


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 Post subject: 12 years later, I unearth this...
PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 1:42 pm 
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Biker Librarian

Joined: 26 Mar 2007
Posts: 25152
Location: On the highway, looking for adventure
JohnnyJ wrote:
I guess I just have a dark yet ridiculous sense of humor. Pulling the plug out of the Titanic, why the very idea...


The "pulling the plug" gag has a long and semi-honorable history in the world of jokes. You're in good company!

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The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls who, when he found an especially costly one, sold everything he had to buy it.


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