How do I talk to Arabella 10-17-2007
Jeramy was now in his forties, The girl sitting by him still in her thirties but she looked so young, even maybe still twenty.
Arabella, dark hair & darker eyes, a slow smile but a quick quiet laugh. She was beautiful and everyone took to her it seemed, almost immediately. She had a charm about her that made her timeless. Children always turned to her, animals were always near, no one ever seemed to have a fear or distrust of her. Her manner to everyone she met was kind and considerate, she never seemed to show any distinctions if the people she met were different in any way, everyone was an individual she was pleased to meet.
"Except me," he thought ruefully. "How do I get her to see me in a better light."
He stops and thinks...
"I always put my foot in my mouth or act too stupid,"

"Well, I just have to say something to her,"
....Jeramy turns to Arabella, after some small talk, weather and how are you's, He summons all his courage and even as he said it He realized he was saying one of the dumbest things he ever could have said....

"Hey, when you get forty and desperate, you could give me a call..."
.....oh god, why did I say THAT....

At first it seemed she hadn't heard him, he held his breath...
waiting for the reaction.
Arabella turned her head towards him, raised an eyebrow and said "Desperate?.....
Who says I will be desperate at forty?" she replies.

' " Well. you know... uh...if you can't find anyone else I mean....." ' he says, stuttering
a little.

"Oh, I see, and what about you, Jeramy? Will you be desperate, I wonder....
What if you don't find anyone else, would you still look me up too? "
She smiles slightly. "What if I already have been desperate, Jeramy? And I don't want to go back to that feeling. You know I was a little desperate at thirty or I wouldn't have almost married Jack. I realize that now, of course. I don't think I will ever do that again."

She looks at him closely, He was unable to read her expression.
' " does she know what I am thinking...?' " Jeramy ponders.
He was only able to hold eye contact for a few moments, he looks down.

She finally says quietly..."I may consider it, who knows what will happen by then."

That was June....now it is a new year, it is a new month too. March and Jeramy hadn't seen Arabella for sometime. He hoped maybe she had forgotten what he had said. He knew she wouldn't have, but he could hope.

"Oh crap, there are those guys hanging around her again. I wish they would just go
away. I never can talk to her when they are around," Jeramy mutters to himself.

Jeramy walks up to the small group, Arabella standing in the center.
"It's like she is holding court or something." Jeramy thinks, frowning slightly.

Her back is to him, she doesn't see him approach. He hears her laugh at some funny
remark. He smiles, he likes her laugh. Just then she turns around and sees him.

"Oh Jeramy, hello. I was wondering when you would come." Arabella says, still smiling.
"Paul was just telling one of his funny stories," Her eyes twinkle at him, " isn't that
so Paul?"

Paul looks unhappy at Jeramy's arrival. He mutters,"Yeah."

Jeramy knows Paul. He had a chance to date Arabella but he messed up. Dumped her
for no good reason. Arabella always seemed fine with it but he thought maybe she just
allowed him to stay on as a friend to keep an eye on him. He was never quite sure.

Don pipes up. "Hey Jer, What have you been up to lately?"

Jeramy looked at him, He didn't quite like Don either. The perenial child. He would never
grow up and he always acted manic. Don was besotted with Arabella. He made no secret
of it, always asking her out or showing up out of the blue. No warning.
He knew it drove her crazy, she was always asking him to not do that.
Of everything he would listen to her about, that was the one thing he would not listen to.
When Arabella said no it made Don more determined.

Jeramy sighed, "I was dating a girl for a while..."
Paul remarked, "Imagine that..."
Don said, " Really, Who? Do we know her?"

Jeramy looked darkly at them, "No you do not know her, Anyway I am no longer seeing her
It is a long story." he paused, Looking at Arabella. "I will tell you about it later...okay?"

Arabella had been watching the interchange, amused..." Okay Jeramy, that is fine."
She seemed to be puzzled by his direct ignoring of Paul & Don.
"In fact we had actually been talking about that very subject, Let me see... Paul, I had
dated him almost 3 months and Don wants to date me. And then there is you Jeramy.
I haven't ever dated you nor do I think I ever will..."
Jeramy lowers his head, still looking at her, "Really, i wonder." he quietly tells her.
She gives him a sharp look but says nothing.
Paul brightly says, " I say Jeramy have you ever seen Arabella's drawings?"
Jeramy looks at Paul, "No, I didn't know she was an artist."
Paul smiles like the cat who ate the canary, "Oh yes, Very talented she is, I really admired
them myself."
Don gives Paul a wicked scowl, "Why would she let you see them?"
Paul replied,"Because we were dating at the time..."
"Oh Paul, Do shut it." Hissed Arabella.

Arabella's mind went back to the first time she really met Jeramy.
"Kansas City," she thought, "Yes, it had to be Kansas City for the Convention.
We were at the same hotel, I was with my sister. We were going to get ice
from the machine and ran into him in the hallway. I hadn't actually met him
before but I had seen him around and had definitely heard of him.
He mistook me for one of Mandy's friends. I was about 23 or so but I looked
younger, more like 16. I can see why he was confused. He had a sketch book.
I saw what he was working on, quite good actually"
Aloud she said, " I am sure Jeramy isn't interested in my little doodles Paul."
Jeramy turned back to her "Oh but I would like to see what you have done."
He smiles. "I could come over sometime, or..."
Arabella shakes her head, "No my father would not approve of that."
Surprised Jeramy looks at her intently. "Not really, why wouldn't he?"
A bit embarrased she replies, "My parents don't quite like you, uh.
I mean they don't....really know you and wouldn't like it if you came over."
Jeramy was really surprised now, "Why wouldn;t they like me?" he repeated
"I really want to see your work." He keeps eye contact.
Arabella flushes and says "Well, we'll see. I don't promise anything."
Jeramy nods. "Okay."

Paul and Don got into a discussion, with their backs to Jeramy and Arabella.
She leans towards him and asks quietly, "When were you dating, Jeramy?
I never heard of it."
Jeramy replied. "A few months ago and not for very long really. I just decided
it was not for me. There were issues."
"Oh, But I thought if you have found someone Jeramy, you would have pursued
it to marriage. I mean, that is what you told me was what you wanted, wasn't it?
To find someone, to get married. I thought if that is really what you wanted why
did you let her go?"
Jeramy looked at her thoughtfully, never taking his eyes off of her. "I did. I just
didn't want it to be complicated. I will tell you more about it later. I don't want them,"
He nods in the other two guys direction, "to hear what I have to say. They are too
nosy. And it is none of their business."
"oh, alright then. Later."
She picks up her purse and says brightly, "I have to find a powder room. Talk amongst
yourselves." And hurries off.
The three men watch her as she goes.
When she comes back, she gives a sigh of relief. "Oh good..their gone."
She settles down awaiting the program to begin. Thinking of nothing in particular.
Then as she looks up here comes Jeramy again. "Oh drat, he must have been watching
for me to come back." But before he can reach her or say anything an older lady comes
up to him, starts asking about him, his family and so on...He tries to disengage her
but to no avail. She will not be deterred. He keeps edging closer, as Arabella looks on in
amusement, she knows he is trying to get her to help him out. She just smiles.
"Hello Mrs. Grant, It is so nice to see you." Arabella says.
He now stood behind her seat, and as it was on a back row it was easy for him to just
lean against it casually, his hand on the back of it near her shoulder. As she wasn't
interested in the "gossip" Mrs. Grant wanted to relate, Arabella turned her head away
and watched people as they passed by. Suddenly feeling a tickle at her ear, she looks back
at Jeramy quickly. "What...?" she exclaimed.
Jeramy laughed a little, and looked down at her, then he smiled, quite pleased with himself.
"Oh, Jeramy do stop it..." she exclaimed softly and batted at his hand.
He just laughed again.
Mrs. Grant was taking it all in, "oh" , thought Arabella,
"She's going to tell everybody she sees that something is going on between Jeramy and me. I hate it when he does that,
just to get a reaction out of people."
"Oh, So you two know each other well, Jeramy?" asked Mrs. Grant, all wide eyed and innocent.
Before Jeramy could say anything, Arabella said
"oh no Mrs. Grant, we met thru a mutual friend and Jeramy so does like to tease people. Don't you, Jeramy?"
Giving him a look that said don't dare contradict me.
He laughed and said " Yes, I can't resist teasing people, Tho' I would rather like to be better aquainted Arabella."
He Winked. Drat the man. How could he and in front of Mrs. Grant.
Mrs. Grant sensing her presence was causing some friction said her goodbyes and promptly walked away, rather hurriedly.
"Nervous sort isn't she?" Jeramy said , innocently.
"You are a trial, Jeramy, I dare say." Arabella said.
"Yes, and you like it." He replied.
She just glared......

Jeramy came to her local meeting the next Sunday. He was there when she came in the
door. As she walked in there he stood, he had just turned as the door had opened, waiting
to see who it was. It was Arabella. She was wearing black with pink roses on it. She looked
lovely.
He came up and they shook hands. She gave him a questioning look. He smiled and said
"I wanted to ask a favor. I forgot to ask Paul for his email, I wanted to know if you might
know..."
She looked puzzled, "Why didn't you just ask him, he was always right there."
"I know I didn't think of it till later," Jeramy said. "But I also hadn't quite decided then."
"Decided what?" Arabella asked. "You aren't being very clear as to why, Jeramy. I can't
just give out his information for no good reason, you know."
"I know, ... I just wanted to ask him if he would be interested in meeting my ex."
Arabella, eyes narrowed, "Why would he be interested in her Jeramy. And since you aren't
anymore why do you want to introduce them? There is something more to this, isn't there?"
"No, No really that is all." Jeramy, putting his hands up. "I really only want to introduce them."
Arabella stood looking at him a moment. He knew she was thinking it over.
"I don't have his information with me." she finally said.
"That's okay, you could email it to me or send him my info." Jeramy quickly siad.
"Here," giving her his business card. "You can do what you think is best, Okay."
He smiled. "Oh, and I still want to see your work."
"I don't have that with me either." Arabella said. "And I don't see why I should let you."

"I know you said I can't come over. I just thought you might think of some way I could see
them sometime..." Jeramy looked into her eyes, he could tell she was debating the issue
in her mind. She looked at him doubtfully.
"You said you would tell me about it." Arabella said, quietly. "So far you haven't."
"I know, I was going to. There were issues, that is all." Jeramy said. He shrugged.
"That doesn't tell me a thing. I wish you could tell me one true thing Jeramy. I never know
what to think about you. After Jack left me, You took his side. You acted like it was all my
fault. He chose to leave, I just didn't stop him."
She paused, considering....she continued, "You had the audacity to ask me a confidential
thing regarding what went on between Jack and myself while we had dated. It wasn't your
business, yet you had to ask me and in front of my sister who knew nothing of it either.
Then, you keep asking me to go to lunch or come to your place. You know full well I cannot
do that. "
"But, Ara....: Jeramy tried to cut in.
Arabella, continuing in a quiet angry voice, as if he hadn't spoken. "I may like you but I dare
not let myself go there. I don't trust myself, and I wonder if I should even trust you."
"How do I know I won't have some confidential thing I may have shared with you and you
decide to declare it to everybody. Oh I know you won't intend to. I know you don't believe
you would do such a thing. But that dear Jeramy would crush me, humiliate me. I could
not bear it. I would run so far and fast from you your head would spin."
"I don't want you to distrust me, Bella." Jeray said quietly. "I want you to let me in and
share things with me, to have the moments shared. Let you see things through my eyes
and I through yours. I think that is why I want to see your work so much.
I will let you see some of mine, Here is where it is, you can judge for yourself, okay?"
He scribbled something down and handed it to her. A pleading look in his eyes.
Arabella looked at the writing, nodded and said "I will look at it."
He smiled, "Okay. Thank you Bella."
She looked up and asked "Why do you keep calling me that?"
He smiled bigger, "Because I can call you beautiful and no one notices."

After a while they had written back and forth. Sharing thoughts, artwork. Critiques
and ideas. She had come to know him better. He kept hinting at when they might
start dating. She kept telling him she didn't want to date. She explained about the
things in her childhood, the bully and abuse, the things that happened when she
was with Jack. Her fears and worries. She was adamant about how she felt.
She just wanted to be friends. She felt he was trying to push her to be more.
He said he wanted her to meet his ex, she was alarmed at first. She didn't
want to get in the middle of something she didn't know anything about.
He tried to assure her that wasn't how it would be. She had her doubts and concerns.
He never really talked about it. Never told her exactly what happened. And when she
had asked a few times. he would evade any direct questions and she never knew what the
"issues" were. Not until the next convention.
He had shown up all excited, eager to see her. She got so nervous and became afraid.
She couldn't have explained if he had even asked her what was wrong. She just was
suddenly so afraid and skittish. He would not be put off, he demanded to know why
she was treating him this way, where was the girl he had corresponded with.
She ran. She had warned him before, he hadn't listened, she did run and felt trapped.
He confronted her again, she turned on him then,
"No no no no.....Jeramy I cannot do this." Arabella said in an angry voice. She was
shaking with emotion, and as she looked into his eyes she realized what she had said
cut him very deeply. But she could not take it back, and her sister dragged her away
hurling an insult at him as they went. Arabella looked back once, still shaking, he was
watching her go and with the most devastated look on his face. She wanted to run back to
him but her sister wouldn't let her.
He walked away, stunned by what just happened. He didn't know what to think now.
He thought they had reached an understanding. He hadn't expected this reaction.
He suddenly came across his ex, she saw he was upset. They got to talking.
Arabella kept to herself after that, unaware of what was happening with Jeramy.
She was miserable, she didn't understand why. Why did she react that way.
He wasn't hurting her, he hadn't behaved badly.She couldn't figure it out, the only thing
that she could think of was his talking about possibly dating had spooked her.
Then she saw him suddenly, she debated whether to avoid him or just say hello and
walk on. He looked up at that moment. He seemed undecided also.
She murmured a very quiet "hello." to his. And she walked a few steps , stopped
turned around and came back. But he had disappeared. She realized he didn't want
to talk to her at all.
She saw him once more that day, he was out walking in the gardens. She waited for him,
as he came closer she asked if she could say something.
"Haven't you said enough," he snapped. Then he looked at her, he realized how upset she
was. " Okay, fine. What is it?"
She kept looking down, not meeting his eyes. "I wanted to apoligize for what happened."
Arabella spoke very quietly, he could hear a tremor in her voice. "I know it wasn't fair of
me to act that way. I don't expect anything from you, nor do I think you will even
forgive me. But I just had to say this."
"I think I should tell you Arabella, I talked with my ex and while I don't expect to actually
start dating her again for a while, we have talked and cleared some things up."
Jeramy watched her look up at this. Her eyes told him all he wanted to know, he had
hurt her, surprised her too. He continued, "I thought I should mention this, should
we decide to proceed to date again."
"Of course, Jeramy. I understand. Thank you for at least letting me say what I had to
say." Arabella whispered.
Jeramy nodded and walked away.

Not long after that a friend tells Arabella that Jeramy was dating the girl and looking
at houses. So it was serious, she thought. I guess he finally decided what he wanted.
I wish I had given it a real chance but it is too late to even think about now.
Now it is almost fall, I guess they will decide on a spring wedding.
A friend suddenly dies and everybody shows up for the Memorial service. Jeramy is
there. She sees him, but he is alone. She wonders at that. After it is over she
catches up with him. Jeramy stops and looks at her.
Arabella asks. "How are you? I guess congratulations are in order."
Then seeing his eyes she asks. "What is wrong Jeramy? What has happened?"
Jeramy looks down to the ground and says he has just recently broken up with her and
that the engagement is off.
"Oh Jeramy, I am truly sorry." Arabella said gently. "You know I was hoping it would
all work out for you."
"I know, I appreciate that. Really I am." Jeramy replied. "I just thought even with things
as they were it would work out. But I couldn't do it. I don't want to do this again
for a long time, dating I mean. I now understand why. I am sorry for how everything
went down, too."
"I know, Jeramy. I wish things had been different too. I guess I am just unable to have a real
relationship with anyone myself. I am glad to be here as your friend if you want. I won't
expect anything from you Jeramy. I know how it feels, If you ever want to talk..."Arabella
said. "remember that story you wrote once, about the two minutes?"
"Yes," he replied warily.
"I just wanted to tell you. The two minutes I will always cherish, Jeramy,
is when you said I was smart and talented. That you liked me. That I will never forget.
That was the most important two minutes for me."
"I appreciate that, Thank you." Jeramy said, and quietly left.

Arabella wasn't going to give up hope that maybe someday if Jeramy remained free
to do so they might try again. Give their friendship a chance to grow or even pursue
something deeper. She wasn't going to hold her breath but she would always hope.

That really is what having people around you, whom love you and you love, is really about.
Hope.

Now it has been a year, Arabella had been working. Going to different functions with friends and family. Trying to get to know herself again.
Thinking about Jeramy from time to time, she hadn't seen him for a while. He evidently was trying to do the same.
The newest convention was coming up, she knew she would probably see him there. with so many people there he would have a valid excuse to avoid her. She was there early, meeting and greeting old friends and new. She was walking around waiting for her sister, Arabella knew Aurora would probably be late to the convention, she always was.
So Arabella had to keep walking around to keep an eye out for her, and avoid running into Paul & Don. Of course Don found her, he kept coming up and trying to monopolize her. Arabella kept coming up with reasons to send him away. "Don, you must go save your seats for the Symposium later, and for you mother and grandmother." "Go take off you raincoat, it is getting to hot in here and you can save seats with it"
"Do they need you in the control room?"

She had managed to evade him for much of the time. Paul kept to his own small area, he hadn't come looking for her yet. So it wasn't so bad.
She was keeping an eye out for Jeramy as well, she really wanted to talk to him if they had the chance.
She saw her sis Aurora with about 30 minutes before the convention started. And right behind her was Jeramy. He had finally come.
She looked at him, he looked up and saw her. He smiled a little smile.
At least he wasn't ignoring her...
He nodded slightly and went in the opposite direction, he was trying to find a place to sit, so she hurried to show her sister where they were to sit. As they reached the seats, she looked up into the balcony and there he was, right in front. "Man, he could move fast." she thought, smiling. He looked down an saw her, gave her a little wave. But he stayed where he was.
Things were getting ready to start.
well, when there is the long break for lunch we can probaly talk, she thought. and settled down.

The noon break felt like forever to come, Jeramy thought.
Looking down at Arabella, sitting with her friends and sister, he could watch her listening intently during the symposiums and interviews, taking notes. and every once in a great while she would glance up at him and smile. That made him feel pretty good. At least she doesn't hate me, he mused. He was looking forward to finding her later and talking.
Finally they are announcing the break. He tried to eat quickly.
He saw her stand up and talk to those around her. eating and laughing.
"Drat, there is Don." Jeramy winced. "Why can't he just go away."
he watched as she was sitting and looking up at Don, nodding and then looking away. Then she handed him something and he walked away.
She had sent him off to throw away the trash. He saw her stand up and grab her bag and after she said something, she darted away.
Before Don came back. "She's dodging him, Jeramy laughed to himself.
He hurriedly got up and got his stuff so he could go outside. Just as he had reached outside he caught something in his periphery vision, he turned his head and saw her standing there. He stopped.
She hadn't had to even say a word, she just stood there, waiting.
Then she smiled. What a smile she has, he thought.
"Hi Arabella," Jeramy said quietly. "Do you want to walk with me?"
"Sure," Arabella replied.
"How have you been?" Jeramy asked. "You look pretty good."
"I am doing alright." Arabella said. "Thanks"
"How have you been doing, Jeramy? You look pretty good yourself."
"I am doing okay, too. Getting up everyday, breathing, you know, the usual." Jeramy smiled. "I am glad to see you again. It is nice to just talk, you know."
"Yes, I imagine it is. I am glad you were willing to even talk with me.
I was a little afraid maybe you wouldn't." Arabella said, nodding.
She smiled again. "At least, attempting to talk. You really know everybody." she remarked as more people came up and said hello to Jeramy and shook his hand.
"You should talk Arabella, half of these people are doing the same with you," He teased her, then he smiled.
"Good, I like to see you smile Jeramy. I am glad your feeling happier.
I was missing that." Arabella said.
"So, should we discuss what we are or just pretend everything is as it was?" Jeramy asked. "I still don't want to go out and date right now. You know the old battle cry of 'We are a couple!', A couple of what I would like to know."
Arabella laughed, "Okay, I would say we are just really good friends and if things change, well then they will change naturally. I don't want to go chasing after something that wouldn't work out, do you know what I mean?"
Jeramy nodded,"I know what you are talking about. I can agree with that.
I wouldn't want to say we were friends and dating before we were ready for it. I like being able to talk to you, do the fun things like go to the movies or just hang out at the coffee shop. How does that sound to you?"
Arabella looked at Jeramy, she thought about it for a good minute.
She nodded. "I think that would be acceptable. We shouldn't try and test each other tho' Jeramy. I mean, trying to see what the other would do if.
That wouldn't quite be fair. I think saying what we like or would like to do is perfectly fine. If either one of us isn't up to doing something right then, we shouldn't feel upset or hurt by it, right?"
"Exactly," Jeramy replied. "I am glad we understand each other. That is a relief actually. I won't mind if you can't do something, I can understand. We both have pretty busy lives. It just will be more fun when we are able to get together at another time. I like that, No pressure, no expectations or disapointments. and we can get others in a larger group for a party or a cook-out. What do you think?"
"Perfect," Arabella smiled. "I like that idea. We could do that a lot actually.
Well, not like everyday, but often." Jeramy looked at her, her eyes shining and her winning smile. He knew she would come to care for him more, it was evident she already liked him very much. This was going to work out very well, he thought.
She looked in his eyes and knew he still liked her, she felt it was going to work out well after all.....